Commerce & Chaos | Critical Role | Campaign 2, Episode 31
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Commerce & Chaos | Critical Role | Campaign 2, Episode 31


MATT: Hello everyone, and welcome to tonight’s
episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play
Dungeons & Dragons. TRAVIS: Yeah, we play Dungeons & Dragons! Sorry.
I’m excited. MATT: Laura will be joining us shortly. She’s
finishing baby stuff in the other room. But in the meantime, we’re here to get through our
announcements for the evening. First and foremost, we have our fantastic friends and glorious sponsor
through campaign two thus far, D&D Beyond. ALL: D&D Beyond! SAM: Yesterday, guys, was D&D Beyond’s first one–
first one-year anniversary. Take two. Hey guys, yesterday was D&D Beyond’s one-year anniversary.
Wish them a happy birthday on their Facebook and Twitter pages. MARISHA and TALIESIN: Happy birthday. SAM: Or just right there. Also, as a reminder, D&D
Beyond streams their weekly show called & Beyond every Wednesday on twitch.tv/dndbeyond. It’s not–
take two. I was going to say it’snotgreat conversations, but no. Pick up. It’sgotgreat
conversations with special guests like Matt Mercer and Mike Mearls, and other guests with M.M. names.
That’s the whole announcement, but I recently went to Virginia, so I got inspired to write a country
song for D&D Beyond. TRAVIS: Is that what that hat is? MARISHA: That hat has puka shells on it. SAM: I was going to learn this on the guitar, but
then I realized I don’t really play guitar. All right, here’s my country song for D&D Beyond.
(singing) My baby left me on the fourth of July, I cri– Take two. (laughter) LAURA: Okay, I’m ready. SAM: Settle. (singing) My baby left me on the
fourth of July. I cried red, white, and blue. Got in my Chevy, popped open a Coors, and moseyed on
over to you. Opened the trailer, played some Johnny Cash, kicked off my cowboy boots, and sat.
Got my character sheet and my daddy’s dice, because Exandria’s where it’s at. D&D Beyond, be
my girl tonight. Roll me close, crit me tight. I got a pickup, a 12-gauge, an American flag, but
it’s you that makes me feel all right. D&D Beyond– MARISHA: (singing) D&D Beyond. SAM: (singing) Be my girl tonight. There’s another
verse! I’ve trucked across the heartland, from Dallas to Memphis and back. But Emon’s the place I
miss the most, where I want to hang my hat. So, darling, call the Piggly Wiggly, and tell them
you’re gonna be late. Turn off your phone because your cowboy’s home. Get ready for an all-night
date. D&D Beyond, be my girl tonight. Roll me close, crit me tight. I got some illegal
fireworks, a smokehouse, a new tractor, a hunting dog, my mama’s Bible, some Frito pie, NASCAR
tickets, a deer license, some new tires, a handle of Southern Comfort, but it’s you that makes me
feel all right. D&D Beyond, be my girl tonight. MATT: Aw, thank you, Sam. SAM: Those are all official Southern things. TRAVIS: I’m not sure if we’ll animate that one,
but– SAM: Give it time! MATT: If we’ve taken anything from that, we now
have the mental image of a country Sam enjoying an all-night date with his D&D Beyond. LAURA: You and your computer, all night. MATT: Thank you, D&D Beyond, for your sponsorship
and allowing such magical moments like this to happen. LIAM: “What are you doing in there, Sam?” “I’m
just looking at my spells!” MATT: We also have, for those who haven’t seen it
yet or haven’t had the opportunity, Marisha’s Honey Heist 2: Electric Beargaloo VOD is available
on YouTube at youtube.com/criticalrole, so you can go check it out there for free any time you want!
It’s there, it’s ready to go. TRAVIS: You were a bunch of crackheads.
Crackheads. MATT: It was nuts. It was so much fun. MARISHA: We were pretty loopy. MATT: On that same regard, for the time being, our
limited-run Electric Beargaloo tee is available right now in the store, for a limited time.
Fantastic, beary awesome portrait art by Joana Carvalho, who did a great job with it. You can
check it out at shop.critrole.com. LAURA: Who was touching my dice? Why were they out
already when I got here? Samuel, what did you do? SAM: I may have helped set up for you, being a
caring parent. Don’t worry, though, I only touched the ones that you wouldn’t have used anyway. LAURA: Great. MATT: Speaking of which, Laura, how’s that merch
coming? LAURA: Hey, we got those Electric Beargaloo
shirts! You guys, did you know we have a bunch of new items in our shop? MARISHA and TALIESIN: What? LAURA: There’s a retro tee. There’s a Mighty Nein
Tee. That one has been altered by Marisha Ray, but you can alter your own at home. MARISHA: Sleeves are bullshit! LAURA: That’s right. We’ve got– we don’t have
that one in store right now. But we have our other shirts. The Nott Detective Agency, case closed. SAM: You’ve got one job. LAURA: We have hats that are sold out that’ll be
back some time. Pins. MARISHA: Everyone loved the dad hats. LAURA: The dad hats are awesome! SAM: Why are they dad hats? LAURA: Well, they’re called dad hat. SAM: Oh, okay. LAURA: But I wore my dad hat and it looks great on
a girl, too. MARISHA: I was wearing it today when I was
working. LAURA: It’s metallic thread. That’ll be back. I
like how we’re advertising our hat that’s not in stock right now, but there’s other things. Go
check it out at our shop: shop.critrole.com. I know that address by heart! MATT: Thank you, Laura. Welcome back to the
table. TRAVIS: Polished, professional. MARISHA: It’s like riding a bike. LAURA: Someday I’ll get to Sam Riegel levels. SAM: (singing) D&D Beyond– MATT: On that note, guys, we’ll have our Wyrmwood
giveaway at the break. I’ll have all that information for you and a reminder at the time.
But for right now, I think it’s time to jump into tonight’s episode of Critical Role. [groovy Critical Role theme] MATT: Welcome back. Well done, Laura. Welcome
back. Last we left off, our band of adventurers, The Mighty Nein, having trekked away from Zadash
northward on two different jobs for The Gentleman, had accomplished both of these contracted jobs for
him. Losing a friend, gaining a friend, made their way back south. Oh my god! Motherfucker! (laughter) TALIESIN: Wow, that’s been a while. LAURA: Whoa. Marisha, look! It’s your husband. TRAVIS: Everything you do, have done, or will do. MARISHA: Oh, so good. TRAVIS: Oh god. Doogie Howser, eat your fucking
heart out. MATT: You know that part in the game where you
don’t understand why you got so many points into renegade as opposed to paragon? (laughter) LIAM: Now available in the merch store! MATT: I’m not going to be able to run the game
tonight. I can’t focus. Take two. TRAVIS: Neither can the fans, steamy Dr. Mercer. MATT: Oh, I will never live that down. It’s great
when you’re a new actor in LA and everyone says, “Yeah, you got to get some head shots, and I know
all about it. You got to get those costume and “character shots in.” TRAVIS: Is that what it was? Yes! Oh, I love it! LIAM: When you show up, right off the truck, you
don’t know what you’re doing. MATT: Yeah, you need some archetypes. Come with a
doctor outfit, come with a regular business suit. MARISHA: To be fair, I got a few gigs that way, by
doing a few character shots. MATT: I’ve done a lot of doctors. No, all that
photo has done is this. That is literally the most it’s ever done. LIAM: You’re like 17 and a half here, right? MATT: That would have been about ten years ago. SAM: So early 30s? MATT: Yes. We’ll go with that one. Anyway, back to
the story at hand! Upon completing your journey, checking in with The Gentleman, you were paid the
ripe sum that you had discussed. After taking your newfound friend from Shadycreek Run, Ophelia, back
to The Evening Nip, you exited with your new gold and platinum in hand. After a celebratory drink to
the memory of Molly, you grabbed Caduceus and led him into the city of Zadash– the largest city
you’ve ever seen by leaps and bounds– to see what kind of ways you can corrupt this new, fresh mind,
free out of the Savalierwood. LAURA: It’s so exciting! MATT: That is where we left off. In this case,
guys, we have roughly two weeks of downtime. I’m going to go around and ask what you would like to
accomplish, and if moments require rolls, moments require roleplay, anything like that, we’ll jump
into it. I would like to say, who wants to go first? TRAVIS: Oh god. One two three, not it! TALIESIN, MARISHA, and LAURA: Not it. TALIESIN: Liam. SAM: I didn’t say not it. Would you like to go,
Liam? LIAM: Not it. TRAVIS: Yeah! Come on, Piggly Wiggly! SAM: Sure. Not much. Okay, the things I wrote down
were: I would like to use my money. LAURA: Your money! SAM: To buy a bunch of baubles and trinkets and
buttons and ribbons and string and beads and one crescent ornament. MATT: Okay, I will say you could purchase all of
those things– and you’re buying these yourself? SAM: In Disguise Self mode. MATT: Okay, yeah. I’d say you could buy all of
those things with, let’s say, a single gold, because your charisma isn’t that high. A single
gold piece for all of that. That’s priced up a bit. SAM and LAURA: That’s pretty good. SAM: I will put all of that stuff into a package
and mail it away with a note that I sent you earlier, Matt. MATT: Yep, I have that. SAM: Okay, step two! I’m going to take my gun. TRAVIS: Your what? SAM: Oh, I stole a gun. You weren’t there for
that? MATT: No, that was on the way out of Hupperdook.
They weren’t there for that. SAM: I stole a gun! TRAVIS: You got a gat? SAM: I stole a gun from a guard. I’ve got one
bullet. TRAVIS: Yeah, like one round, single shot? SAM: Yeah! Don’t fuck with me, man! I will blow
you away, motherfucker! TRAVIS: Oh shit! Okay! SAM: Unless I miss, and then it’s nothing. No, I
would like to take apart the gun. I’d like to take apart the gun and figure out how the hammer works,
how the gunpowder ignites. Is it a pack of powder like a bullet, or is it loose powder with a ball? MATT: Well, first off, do you have or own
tinkerer’s tools? SAM: No, but do any of you guys? MARISHA: Have what? SAM: Tinkerer’s tools. I’ll go and buy them! MATT: This next expense will be 50 gold pieces for
the set of tinkerer’s tools. SAM: No problem. MATT: I would need you to make a tinkering check
to see if you can successfully disassemble the gun. SAM: Does anyone want to help me? MATT: Without ruining elements of it. LAURA: I don’t think any of us have enough
experience to help you. LIAM: Caleb would help. SAM: Do you have tinkering experience? LIAM: No, but I’m pretty smart. MATT: You’re not proficient in tinkerer’s tools,
so it’s basically a straight intelligence check. Add your intelligence modifier to see if you can
figure out the safest way to do so. SAM: I rolled a 14 and I have an intelligence of
plus three. MATT: It takes you a little bit of time, but you
manage to very carefully disassemble the entirety of the pistol without any issues. SAM: I’m specifically curious about how the impact
of the hammer creates an explosion. MATT: Through the words of the man responsible for
inventing these things naught but 20-plus years beforehand, if you would like to explain? LAURA: Oh my goodness! TALIESIN: There is a flash pan where there’s a
preload powder, basically a powder capsule attaches to a flash pan. The hammer contains a
sparking mechanism that hits a plate, causes a spark to hit the powder in the flash pan, goes
into the gunpowder that’s within that’s actually packed inside of the barrel and sends the shot
out. SAM: Is it a specific kind of metal that makes a
spark? TALIESIN: It actually is a specific kind. It’s a
flint. SAM: It’s a flint metal. TALIESIN: Although, people have probably gotten
creative with that at that time, but the Percy tech was just a flint. He was trying to do other
stuff and always failed. SAM: With that knowledge, I will purchase any
other materials I will need to do this. I’m going to take out the 20 arrows I grabbed from the Iron
Shepherds’ house. I’m going to try to modify them, using multiple arrowheads if needed, to make an
explosive arrowhead that’s packed with some gunpowder. TALIESIN: It would be a bag at the front with a
flint that would spark on pressure. So as long as you fired it hard, it would cause the spark when
it hit and detonate. MATT: Make a tinker check. SAM: Another tinkerer’s check! I’m not a good
tinkerer. LAURA: Ooh, look at your dice! SAM: 11 plus three. LAURA: Where did you get those? SAM: I got them for free from somebody. LAURA: Those are so pretty! MARISHA: They’re from Norse Foundry. SAM: From Norse Foundry. Just a 14. MATT: I’d say it’ll cost you an additional 20 gold
in materials, because you fail multiple times going through, and end up wasting a lot of
materials until, eventually, you get it right and you’re certain that this would be the one that
would function properly. So you have one explosive arrow. You’re not entirely certain what it does. SAM: One explosive arrow. TALIESIN: Welcome to tinkering, man. SAM: I’ll take the parts of the gun– it’s apart
now, right? MATT: Yeah, they’re separate individual pieces. SAM: I can’t put it back together? MATT: You can certainly try. SAM: All right, I’ll try. That’s a 15. MATT: You reassemble it. It looks to be
functional. SAM: Okay, and I will look at it and say: Whoever
invented this was a very smart person. She must have been a very, very smart person indeed. TALIESIN: Oh, she was. SAM: Okay. Then I have one explosive arrow, maybe.
Great. I’d also like to purchase a pair of gloves or have them made. MATT: For show or comfort? SAM: For comfort and show, human skin color, with
little fingernails embroidered at the end. MATT: (laughs) All right, so you have this
commissioned. SAM: Yes. MATT: Because it is a commission and it is
specific, it’d probably be at the similar store to where Beau got her reversible cloak made earlier
in the campaign. It would only take maybe two days to get the materials together to match the color
you wanted, and then the embroidery, and finishing the gloves for your size specifically. Since you’d
be a smaller frame. All in all, I’d say five gold pieces. Which is pricey for a set of custom
gloves, but not based on the money you had made. SAM: Oh, also, with that package I sent earlier, I
also included 100 gold pieces in it. MATT: Okay, so mark that off. SAM: And then one last thing. I’d like to approach
Jester, and ask her: Jester! LAURA: Yes? SAM: I need your help. LAURA: What do you need help with? SAM: You are a talentedartiste.LAURA: Yes, I am very talented. SAM: But also, you’ve mentioned in the past that
you are an expert forger. LAURA: Yes, I am! Have you seen my work?
Remember? SAM: I’ve seen you draw dicks on things. LAURA: Well, also I’ve written a lot of letters. SAM: You don’t really show us those too much. LAURA: They’re really good. SAM: All right. And also, while you were captured,
I flipped through your book. It’s excellent work. If there were an art school or something, you
should send it in. LAURA: Well, thank you. I did have really good
tutors when I was growing up. SAM: I bet. I’d like you to help me forge a
letter. I’d like it to sound like it’s from some sort of legal entity or law firm or court or
something like that. LAURA: Ooh. I’ll use something like Esquire or
something in there, that sounds very– SAM: Yes, yes, yes. And I’d like to– oh, could
you not tell Caleb about this? LAURA: Secrets? SAM: It’s a secret. LAURA: I’m really good at keeping secrets. Okay. SAM: I’d like it to read something like– Oh! I’m
going to be sending it to the Solstryce Academy. LAURA: (gasps) I know about that! That’s where
Fjord wants to go. Are we writing this for Fjord? SAM: No. LAURA: Okay! SAM: It’s in Rexxentrum. LAURA: Solstryce, yes, I know where it is. MATT: Soltryce. LAURA: Soltryce Academy. SAM: The Soul Train Academy. MATT: That’s a good way to remember it. SAM: Something like: “Greetings. Hello. To whom it
may concern.” LAURA: To whom it may concern. SAM: “I am trying to reach a young lady named
Astrid, no last name given, who was a–” LAURA: Wait. Do I say that? No last name given? SAM: Yes. “Who was a student about 11 years ago at
your academy. She has inherited a bit of money “from a distant relative: her uncle, Leonard
Highfin. He’s from–” LAURA: Leonard Hyphen? Hyphen what? SAM: I don’t– Leonard Hyphen Leonard. LAURA: Leonard Hyphen Leonard. Got it. SAM: “From the town of Nigeria.” LAURA: Got it. SAM: “And his estate has employed me to find her
in order to deliver the funds.” LAURA: (gasps) Vast sums of money. Right. The
funds, okay. SAM: “Please reach out to her– reach out to
me–” LAURA: Oh shit. Now I’ve got to write it again
because you said it wrong. Hold on. SAM: Sorry. I didn’t know you were writing it as I
was saying. “Please reach out to me with her last “known contact information or address. You can
write me in care of The Pillow Trove Hotel, “Zadash. Attention–” I don’t know. Attention what?
Mrs. Jester? Mrs. Dr. Jester? LAURA: No. Mrs. Lavorre, Esquire. SAM: Mrs. Lavorre, Esquire. “My legal practice
thanks you in advance. Thank you.” LAURA: The legal practice of Nott? SAM: Nott and Brave. LAURA: Nott and Brave Law Firm. SAM: Yes. LAURA: Okay, Nott and Brave Law Firm. Okay. And
then what now? Do you have a seal or something? Because it would be sealed really fancy. SAM: I don’t know. On official letters, do you
kiss them with lipstick? Do you put a little perfume on it? What do you do? LAURA: You know what? I have my mom’s lavender
oil. Hold on. SAM: That’ll make it even more official. LAURA: Things that are from really fancy places,
they always have– SAM: Sure. LAURA: So I’m going to get it on my fingers and
handle the paper. So the paper smells like it was handled by someone rich. SAM: I’ve noticed sometimes in letters that I’ve
stolen from the post, fancy ones anyway, sometimes you pull out the letter and then there’s this
other piece of tissue paper in there for no reason. LAURA: Yes. We’ll do something like that. I use
another piece of paper because I don’t have any kind of tissue paper. SAM: Just a blank one. All right, and then we mail
it to the Soltryce Academy. LAURA: Okay, wait! We need a really fancy seal. We
need wax. SAM: Do we have any wax? LAURA: I bet Caleb has wax. SAM: We can’t tell him about this. LAURA: Okay. Do you know where any candles are? SAM: There’s candles everywhere. LAURA: Let’s take a candle from around the room.
And then we’ll stamp it with a ring! One of my rings. SAM: Oh, perfect! LAURA: Okay, which one is the flattest? This one.
It’s got a rose on it. MATT: Okay. Two things. One, I would like you to
roll for your forgery. SAM: It’s a bunch of candle wax. White wax. MARISHA: Plain beeswax. MATT: Are you proficient with your forgery kit? LAURA: Well, I have a forgery kit. How do I know
if I’m proficient? Hold on. I think I am because of my background. Yes. No. Yes. I don’t know. MATT: I think you should, depending on your– LAURA: Hold on. I’m opening my– yeah!
Proficiencies and languages. Forgery kit. MATT: Yeah. Go ahead and roll a d20. Add your
intelligence modifier and your proficiency bonus. LAURA: Why intelligence? Can it be the wisdom? MATT: Actually, no. Let’s make it dexterity. LAURA: Okay. Plus what? My proficiency? MATT: Proficiency bonus and your intelligence
modifier. Dex, I’m sorry. LAURA: That’s 12 plus three, is 15. MATT: You manage to forge the letter in what you
believe to be a fairly decent forgery. LAURA: A really good forgery. SAM: It looks like it! MATT: You’re not matching somebody’s handwriting,
per se. It’s more about getting an officious look to it, with little flourishes of calligraphy at
the beginning of sentences. SAM: Like a big first letter? MATT: Exactly. I would like you to roll a general
dexterity check for me. LAURA: Did you see that? It was really trying.
Dexterity check? Ten. MATT: Okay. There’s a difference between sealing
wax and candle wax. How do I know this? Because I’ve made that mistake before, sealing letters for
previous D&D campaigns. You manage to press your ring into the wax and pull back, and now there’s
mush on the end of your ring, and there’s a circular piece of mushed soft wax where the seal
should be. LAURA: This is pretty shitty. SAM: We need sealing wax. LAURA: We need actual sealing wax. I peel it up. SAM: Can you go get some from the stiggity store? LAURA: Yeah. I’ll go to the store and buy some
sealing wax. MATT: Sealing wax, it’s not too expensive. We’ll
say two silver to get you a chunk. LAURA: Two silver for this wax! You better be
really grateful! SAM: I’ll pay for postage. LAURA: Okay. Now I can send letters to my mom with
a really cool seal! SAM: Oh! So you did need it. MATT: There you go. You finish the letter. You
seal it best to your ability. You hope it seems official enough, and you send it off towards its
destination in Rexxentrum. LAURA: Boop! SAM: Thank you. LAURA: You’re welcome. SAM: Please don’t tell Caleb; he might get upset.
I think that this is someone from his past who might be able to, you know, make him think of
happier times. LAURA: Who? Astrid? SAM: Yes. LAURA: (gasps) That’s the name he said to me when
we were dancing. Did you know? SAM: No. LAURA: Yes, we were dancing. We were waltzing. It
was really lovely. He was very drunk. SAM: Yes, I remember that night. LAURA: And then he said something about Astrid. SAM: He misses her. LAURA: Was it his girlfriend? SAM: I think so. You know, I don’t know which way
he swings, but he could really get any girl he wanted to. LAURA: He’s very handsome, especially when he
shaves. You can see the little butt chin he has. It’s really nice. SAM: That’s nice. Well, I hope it works. LAURA: Me too. SAM: End scene. MATT: End scene, all right. Is that the extent of
the things you want to accomplish, Nott? SAM: I mean, I don’t want to take too much time.
I’m good. MATT: Okay. All righty, who wants to step up
next? LIAM: I was the second-to-last to say– MATT: That’s true, so Caleb. LIAM:Ja, I have some things that I want to
accomplish on my own and then I also need to have a conversation with Beauregard, but before that I
need to go shopping. I have a list of things I want to do, actually. TRAVIS: (deadpan) Wait, let me come along. LIAM: Do you want to go shopping? Travis, are you
sure? MARISHA: Are you going to Pumat’s? TALIESIN: Let me come along if you’re going
shopping. LIAM:Ja. Oh, what are you in the market for? TALIESIN: Well, I figure if we’re going to be
traveling together, we should probably have some supplies. I’m looking for some diamonds for some
things I know how to do. LIAM: Oh, well we have some fellows you could
meet. MARISHA: Guys, let’s all go shopping! TALIESIN: That’s great. MARISHA: We just got money! LIAM: I have a lot of money. MARISHA: I’m coming. LIAM: Let’s go shopping. MARISHA: Okay. MATT: So the four of you, Jester, Caduceus, Caleb,
and Beauregard, are going shopping. MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: Okay, all right. Well, what are you guys
looking for? TRAVIS: Catch y’all on the flip. LIAM: Go see that beautiful baby, Travis. TRAVIS: Yeah. Going on a trip. MARISHA: I want to go to Pumat. MATT: Okay. Midday, you make your way to the
Pentamarket, to the very vibrant center area of the marketplace there. There’s a number of
intersecting pathways that help divide between all the various carts and tents that open up. At this
point, I’d say it’s maybe late morning or so. A lot of the curled up curtains in the front are
being affixed to the top or have been for a while. The smells of fresh baked goods, cooking stews,
and various other treats and snacks that are being presented as part of the shopping experience catch
your nostrils as you move through. You hear music playing in the distance. For all the chaos that
life has thrown you in the past 30 days, it feels nice to step into a place that’s so filled with
life and lack of understanding of how dark the world is at the fringes of this empire, both with
the war going on and some of the things you’ve encountered. It’s nice to step into this space and
you catch yourself instinctually smiling and finding it infectious to brighten your mood. You
turn to see the darkened green wood with gold accoutrements that marks the exterior of The
Invulnerable Vagrant. The front door is closed, but appears to be not locked for any particular
reason. MARISHA: I have such a clear picture in my head,
now that we’ve built it. MATT: Now that we’ve physically built it, yeah.
It’s a little larger in-world than the one that we did. MARISHA: But the aesthetic. MATT: But the aesthetic is there, yeah. As you
step forward, the door opens up and leads you inside, and there the same warmly lit interior
with the glowing chandelier above greets you. Across the way, sitting behind the desk, face down
in a book, one of the various Pumats, who looks up and, “Oh, why hello there! Yeah, oh, it’s been a
while. Sorry, took me a second to recognize “you. You’re very silhouetted by the bright
sunshine outside you right now and it’s a bit dark “interior, so come on up!” MARISHA: We do always seem to come around 4:00pm,
right when the sun is coming in the window. LAURA: I run in. MATT: Another Pumat comes around the corner and
goes, “Oh, do we have folks in here?” “Yeah, don’t “worry, Pumat, I got them taken care of. Oh,
there’s even more coming in.” TALIESIN: Oh, yeah. Cool, twins. Right. That’s
cool. I like this place. This is nice. MARISHA: Pumat III, this is Caduceus. MATT: “Caduceus! Why, it’s a pleasure to meet you
as well.” TALIESIN: It’s a pleasure to meet you. MATT: “Don’t see many of our kind wandering around
these large establishments.” TALIESIN: You’re the first one I’ve seen in the
city so far. That’s pretty crazy. This is nice. Is this yours? MATT: “Well, it’s ours. Well, it’s his. Hey,
Prime! You might want to step out of the workshop “for a second.” You hear some rustling and
grumbling in the background, and the curtain opens and you see a third one of them step out, goggles
affixed to the head, a little bit of smudges of dirt on the edges of the chin. “What are you
talking about? Oh my goodness.” TALIESIN: You’re all brothers, then? There’s three
of you now. Triplets. That’s great. That’s great! Don’t see that very often. MATT: “Where are you from? To be perfectly honest,
we haven’t really run into any other firbolgs “really since we came here.” TALIESIN: Oh, me neither. I’m actually from up
north. I’m traveling with these kids, working on something. It’s nice. MATT: “Wow.” TALIESIN: How long have you been down here? This
place is great. This is great. MATT: “Well, thank you.” At this point, the fourth
one comes down from a ladder off on the right side chamber. “Oh, is the order getting– Oh, it’s a
whole party over here! Is that another firbolg?” Comes down and the other’s like, “Yeah, there’s
one over here.” The other Pumat’s like, “I’m “impressed. I like the color tones. It’s a great
arrangement, visual perspective.” TALIESIN: Impressed by what your mother went
through, at this point. This is intense. There’s a lot of you. MATT: The one with the goggles in the back goes,
“Sorry about that. I should clarify. These three “are arcane-based copies of myself. We are all
collectively Pumat, but I am the original.” TALIESIN: Well, that’s the best thing I’ve ever
seen. That’s crazy. That’s just great. I’d love to learn how to do that. LAURA: You shouldn’t call them “arcane copies.”
They have their own personalities and their own self. You should appreciate them. MATT: One of the other ones speaks up and goes,
“We absolutely take no offense, because it’s true.” LAURA: Well, all right, but I think each and every
one of you is unique in your own way and you should really appreciate it! MATT: The three simulacrum all go, “Aww” at the
same time. LAURA: I go back to rearranging the shelf. TALIESIN: It’s nice to see another firbolg out in
the world doing something, and you seem like you’re really building something great here. This
is spectacular. MATT: “Well, I greatly appreciate that. We put a
lot of hard work into it and it’s hard to come “across folks like us that would appreciate
something on this scale.” TALIESIN: You might know. Is there anything I
absolutely should see while I’m in town? This is the farthest I’ve been from home. I’m curious if
there’s anything in this city that a firbolg out taking a look around should– MATT: “Well, unless I am mistaken, from my
previous memory of times outside of Zadash, when’s “the last time you had a good bath?” TALIESIN: Well, I had a hot spring, which was
nice. I mean, it had some sulfur content and there were some minerals in there that were probably a
bit iffy. LIAM: The baths here are quite lovely. MATT: “This one knows what he’s talking about.
Listen to him. Follow that around.” MARISHA: What are we talking about? MATT: “Oh, sorry. Did you come here to do
business?” MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: Prime goes, “All right, then. Nice to meet
you–?” TALIESIN: Caduceus Clay. Pleasure. MATT: “Caduceus Clay. Pumat Sol. Pleasure.” TALIESIN: Look forward to doing business with
yous. MATT: “Of course, you got gold, we’ve got things
to purchase. Anyway, other Pumats, take care of “these folks. I’ve got to get back to work. Good to
see you all again.” LAURA: Bye, Prime. MATT: He exits to the back room. The two other
Pumats step back and watch, and they’re both looking at you with this kind of– TALIESIN: He seems like a decent boss. That seems
nice. MATT: “Not too bad. People say you want to be your
own boss, well–” (laughter) TALIESIN: That’s really good. LIAM: It feels weird to interrupt whatever this
is. MARISHA: I’m hungry, so. MATT: “Unfortunately, we don’t really sell much in
the realm of food items.” LIAM: I am in the market for some things of arcane
nature. Oh, I see you’re reading a book. What are you reading? MARISHA: Ugh, god, no more small talk! You still
have those bracers? MATT: “We do, actually. To be perfectly honest,
you mostly cleaned us out last time you were in “here, but we’ve got a few more items in here.” MARISHA: Yeah, what’s up with those bracers? MATT: “We got the bracers here, if that’s what
you’re looking for.” MARISHA: Have they come down in price? MATT: “No.” MARISHA: They’ve been sitting on a shelf for six
weeks. MATT: “Yeah.” MARISHA: So, you know. MATT: “And six weeks later, you’re coming in and
asking about them still.” LAURA: He does have a point there. MARISHA: You know what, Jester? MATT: “But yeah, price is still 1200 gold
pieces.” MARISHA: All right. What do they do again? Can you
explain one more time? MATT: “These bracers, enchanted by our fantastic
boss, Pumat Sol, allow the bearer, as long as “they’re not wearing any physical armor to impede
the enchantment and/or a shield on their body, “helps protect them by deflecting incoming blows
and giving them a better sense of avoiding “physical atrocity onto their person.” LAURA: It’s like they were specially made for you,
Beau. You have to buy them. I think you should charge her more. MARISHA: What? Whose side are you on, here? LAURA: I feel like you’re a very specialized sort
of buyer, is all. MARISHA: Right, so if anything, he should give me
a bargain. LAURA: Oh, you should give her a deal! MATT: “How about we meet in the middle and we
stick with the price provided?” TALIESIN: Seems fair. MARISHA: You threw him off, Jester. LAURA: I’m sorry. I got confused. LIAM: Terrible wingwoman. MARISHA: Look, we might be purchasing a few
things, so why don’t we wait and see what all ends up on the counter and then we’ll come back. MATT: “All right, we’ll put this here waiting for
you right there.” MARISHA: Can I look at it? Can I touch it? MATT: “Yeah.” You can look at it, but you don’t
own it. LIAM:HerrPumat, I am considering spending
about a thousand gold here and I’d be more likely to do so if maybe you could give us a better price
for these things here. MATT: “That can be considered, depending on how
much of a purchase you’re looking to make. What “are you looking for?” LIAM: Well, I need– (laughter) MATT: Don’t think I’ve forgotten that silly
string. LIAM: I need quite a bit of your finest paper and
ink. I have a dearth of scroll– a dearth. A mighty dearth. MARISHA: Girth. LIAM: That’s a different conversation,danke.I
need about roughly 500 or 600 gold’s worth of your finest paper and ink. LAURA: Caleb, save 300 gold because we need
diamonds. TALIESIN: Oh, I’m going to be buying some
diamonds. I wouldn’t worry about that. MATT: “If that’s the case, if you don’t mind
waiting, Pumat III, could you go to our storage “facility and get some more of that wizard paper
and ink? It looks like he’s buying out our stock “here at the moment.” “Yeah, not a worry. I’ll be
back here in the better part of 30 or 40 minutes, “if you don’t mind being patient.” That one Pumat
takes a little cloak and throws it over his shoulders. “See you guys in a little bit!” And
exits outside. LIAM: There’s still one left? MATT: There’s three in the room left behind. One
of them had drifted off to the side for a bit, but seems to be still listening in. So you still have
the one that’s dealing with you. LIAM: I also need incense. Fine incense. About 60
gold worth, if you have that much on hand. MATT: “We don’t have a whole lot of incense here.
I can probably provide about 20 gold worth of “incense. But there are incense makers within
Zadash that I’m sure can probably help you out “with the rest of it.” LIAM: So just not here. LAURA: I remember you asking him for incense
before from him, I think. LIAM: Yeah, I used it. It’s all gone. Just like my
cat. MATT: “We can definitely look to ordering more
incense if you foresee this being a consistent “thing. We normally don’t get that much of a
request for it.” LIAM: Obviously this is a bit of a regular thing.
If, you know, the exchange rate is good. I don’t need more than the 20 gold’s worth of incense
today, if you can order more. We’re going to stay put for a little while,ja? MARISHA: Yeah. LAURA: Maybe. MARISHA: What’s the turnaround– what? LIAM: I’ll ask you later. Also– oh dear. I need
that, and I need that. Oh, yes, I was hoping to look through your selection of spells you have
yourself. Nothing too majestic, but I have a short list. MATT: “Feel free to ask and I’ll go ahead–” and
he grabs this small wood front, wood back, with leather edging binding ledger or catalog that he
pulls out and opens it up, “Yeah, let me know what “you’re looking for. I’ll tell you if we got one in
stock.” LIAM: If you could flip to the transmutation. MATT: Takes a little set of glasses and puts them
on the edge of his nose. “All right.” LIAM: I’m looking for one that can help if your
friends are falling and you don’t want them to fall so hard. MATT: “Feather Fall. We got that, sure.” LIAM: Okay. I get hurt very easily and I need
something to help me get out of Dodge a little bit quicker. MATT: “All right, there’s a few options there. For
lower level enchantments, we got an Expeditious “Retreat spell. That’ll help get you out of the
thick of things.” LIAM: That’s a winner. MATT: “All right, that’s putting that down as well
as a possibility. Those prices here, because “they’re both relatively simple spells, so I’ll put
them at about 100 gold apiece. That’s 200 gold “total for those two spells.” LIAM: And do you have something that can, say,
catapult things around the room? LAURA: I can do that for you. MARISHA: Yeah, me too. LIAM: But I also want to be able to do it. MATT: “Yeah, well, here. Let’s see. In the realm
of what you’re looking to accomplish here–” LAURA: I pick up something and throw it across the
room. LIAM: I’m not paying for that. TRAVIS: That’s some Odyssey of the Mind stuff,
right there. MARISHA: I agree with Jester here. MATT: “So you’re going directly, not messing
around, just a straight Catapult.” MARISHA: That’s so 1994 of you! TRAVIS: Straight up catapult? LIAM:Ja.Straight Up Catapult, is that what
it’s called? I’ll take that as well. TALISEN: Are you going to sell him a tiny catapult
that he has to assemble himself? MATT: It’s a straight up catapult. “Catapult,
yeah, we do have that as well. That is 300 gold “for the batch of three. Any more spells you’re
inquiring about?” LIAM: No. There are so many, but I am of a limited
budget. I’ll think about it if you can help my friend Beauregard with a good price on those. LAURA: I also might want to buy weapons, if you
have a weapon that is also really cool and stuff. MATT: “Here, I’ll show you what we’ve been able to
accomplish since your absence. Weapon-wise, this “wasn’t enchanted more than it was something that
came into our purview from somebody that was “looking hard for some cash and we offered them a
bit of an exchange, as it was promising and “intriguing.” He pulls out this longsword, but
beyond the hilt the blade is snapped and gone. It’s a broken longsword. It’s got a silver hilt
and a silver pommel wrapped in red leathers around the handle, and there is a very fine filigree
across the hilt and around the base, this silver loop on the bottom of the pommel. But it’s a
broken sword. LAURA: Are we going to get it fixed? Or can I
still stab people with the broken part? MATT: “You’ve got about an inch of blade there and
it looks like it’s still sharp in places. If you “get real close you can probably make someone have
a really bad day.” LAURA: What does it do? MATT: “Well, looking it over, it looks like there
was some sort of enchantment embedded in it, but “since the blade has been broken, there’s not– it
looks to be very old. Looks like it probably was a “relic from pre–” He goes and looks at his notes
real fast. “Yeah, this would be pre-Divergence, “from the Age of Arcanum. The reason we took it is
the historical significance. We could probably “fetch a pretty penny should we take it to the
various lyceums. The Academy would probably be “real interested. But if you want to take it off
for sentimental value or go get it repaired some “time, it’s 300 gold.” LAURA: Well, I mean, I’ll look at it. I don’t
know. It’s pretty broken-looking. TRAVIS: (strained) Buy it. MATT: “Prime finished up some of this dust here,”
and he pulls out a small sack that looks to be a red-brown dust. He says, “He’s proud of this one,
I’m going to be real honest with you. If it’s “sprinkled over any edible substance, it greatly
improves the flavor. To the point where it’s “downright distracting. It’s the Dust of
Deliciousness.” LAURA: Oh my goodness! TALIESIN: That’s so exciting. LAURA: That’s a very exciting thing. Oh, that’s
expensive. Seems like something you could hold. TALIESIN: I’ll take that. MATT: “Last thing we’ve got here, and then we’re
pretty much out at the moment. You guys have “become our number one customers, which is really
appreciated. Just finished this cloak last week “here.” He steps around the edge and you can see,
while as well decorated as the place is, it’s pretty bare now. You guys have come through and
grabbed the necessary bits and what else was in there has been picked up as well. You guys aren’t
the only people who shop here, but you’ve been the most recent, intense customers. He pulls this fine
bluish, purple-tint cloak material, that as it flows, as he lifts it up from behind the small
locked box, it ever so faintly gives off this shimmer. “This is designed to obfuscate the
movements of the person who wears it, to where it “makes him a little more difficult to pay
attention. The enchantments here,” and he looks back, and you can see it, right along the hood of
it, there’s these faint little runes. He goes, “This is some– these are Sylvan. I don’t know if
any of you read more the classics.” TALIESIN: I read Sylvan, and there you are. MATT: “Well, there you go. This is specifically a
cloak with an elven enchantment, designed to help “make things difficult to see. So there’s that one
as well.” TALIESIN: Yep, let’s take a look at that. MATT: “That’s all we got.” LAURA and TALIESIN: Ooh. LAURA: That’s pretty cool. LIAM: How much is that running for? TALIESIN: 450. LAURA: Question. MATT: “Yeah, an answer.” LAURA: Is there anywhere else around town I could
get an enchanted weapon of some sort? MATT: “Unfortunately, enchanted weaponry is a very
specialized–” LAURA: But everybody else has really cool weapons,
and I just have an axe. MATT: “Oh. I’m sorry about that. If you want to
commission an axe, we can start working on “enchanting one for you.” LAURA: How much would that cost? MATT: “Well, it depends on what sort of
enchantment you’re looking for. If you just–” LAURA: Something that makes me really cool. MATT: “Okay.” LAURA: That would make me hit really hard and
probably open wounds that don’t close ever, and maybe poison people, and also turn them into
candy. MATT: The other Pumat is now looking over from the
other room and going like– He’s like, “We’ll have “to talk to Prime about that. Prime?” Comes out.
“Yeah.” He’s like, “She wants to see if you could “enchant an axe that hits really hard and is
really cool and wounds don’t close and–” LAURA: Yeah, you know, really bad wounds, also it
really hurts a lot, and it makes people turn pink, and also it makes people, like, start dancing and
stuff. MATT: You watch as Pumat Prime is actually, in his
head, doing math. “I could probably manage “something like that. I got about an eight-month
window for completion, and it would probably run “you about… between ten to twelve thousand gold.” LIAM: (continually coughs) TRAVIS: You haven’t come this far. LAURA: Seems like a really reasonable price for
all those things. MATT: “Oh, I can guarantee it. Won’t find anything
better than that, for a specified number of “enchantments, this side of Rexxentrum.” LAURA: What about just one of those enchantments?
What about it just makes people start dancing? TALIESIN: Axe dance! MATT: “So you want a weapon that, when it hits
somebody, they start dancing?” LAURA: They go. Yeah, and they can’t stop. It’s
like, it would be really hard for them to stop. MATT: “All right. So the only enchantment you’re
requiring is the possible ability of making “something dance uncontrollably.” LAURA: Oh my god, that would be so cool! MATT: “All right.” MARISHA: I really liked the candy thing, by the
way. LAURA: I feel like that would be harder. MARISHA: Maybe they can just decorate it to look
like candy. LAURA: Maybe I could decorate it to look like
candy. MARISHA: Oh, craft night! LIAM: Sad you’re not here? TRAVIS: Yep, so much. SAM: Shopping and crafts, Travis! TRAVIS: Oh, god. MATT: Welcome back, man. TRAVIS: Take both my eyes. TALIESIN: Do you have your journaling kit? Are you
proficient? TRAVIS: What’s on TV, babe? HG– nope, I’m out. MARISHA: Michael’s had a stationery sale! MATT: “There we go. That’s going to be– It’s
doable. It’s pricey. That one will put you about “8,000 gold.” SAM: Jesus! LAURA: I don’t have that much either. Wait, do I? TRAVIS: No. LAURA: No, I don’t. TRAVIS: How about layaway? MATT: “Sorry. If you want just something that’s
pretty sharp and helps you hit a little better, I “could do that for much cheaper.” LAURA: How much? MATT: “Let’s see. That one will put you back
about, I’d say, maybe 400 gold?” LAURA: Ooh! That sounds way better! MATT: “Could finish that in about four or five
days, yeah.” LAURA: Whoa! Okay, I’ll do that! MATT: “All righty, just provide the weapon, and
we’ll get that taken care of for you.” LAURA: Here, take this one. MATT: “Okay.” What kind of axe is it? LAURA: It’s an axe. TRAVIS: Handaxe. LAURA: It’s a handaxe. MATT: Handaxe. Okay, so it can be thrown as well. LAURA: Ooh! Yes, it can. TRAVIS: Did you just now realize that? LAURA: Yep! MATT: “All right. We’ll go ahead and we’ll get
right on that for you, not a worry.” LAURA: Sweet! MATT: “So that’d be 400 gold for that.” LAURA: Okay! MATT: “Put that in the pot right there, since
you’re looking for possibly other purchases. “That’s 400 gold pieces. What else you looking to
buy?” TALIESIN: I’m thinking I’m– LAURA: I mean, we should get that, right? TALIESIN: Oh yeah, no, I think I want– LAURA: Longswords aren’t simple weapons, so I
can’t? MATT: Yeah. LAURA: Yeah. TALIESIN: But I don’t know. I like broken things. SAM: (cooing) What about the cloak? TALIESIN: Oh, no, we’re getting the cloak. MATT: “All right, so that’s–” TALIESIN: Caleb, do you want to split that cloak
with me, maybe? LIAM: Oh, I’m allocating my funds to other things,
my friend, I’m sorry. TALIESIN: Oh well, I’ll get the cloak then. LAURA: I’ll help you get the cloak. MARISHA: Well, here’s the deal, Pumat. What was
that you said five or so minutes ago about us being your number one customers? LAURA: Ooh, yeah, and you would give us a deal if
we bought a whole bunch of stuff? TALIESIN: Is this where we go for the diamonds,
too? LIAM: I am dropping a total, if we’re all
amenable, 960 gold on various things, and I think that is a pretty good pile. Maybe you could knock
a couple hundred off of the price of those bracers. MATT: Make a persuasion check, with advantage
since everybody’s helping you. MARISHA: Come on! Get it! That’s good! LIAM: Yeah, that is a 21. MATT: You see the Pumats talking to you kind of,
“Let me go ahead and have a conversation with the “boss man. Hold on just a second.” Turns around the
corner. You hear some hushed voices. “Yeah, fine, “sure.” He comes back out, “All right, we got
ourselves an approval for a discount there. We’ll “be happy to knock about a hundred gold off that
total price for you, if that’s amenable to you.” TALIESIN: That’s pretty amenable. LAURA: Sure. All of us save 20 gold, still pretty
good. MARISHA: Yeah, that’s about it. MATT: “All right, so who’s buying what?” LAURA: 25 gold! TALIESIN: I’m getting the sword and the cloak. MATT: “Sword and the cloak.” LAURA: I’m going halvsies on the cloak with him. TALIESIN: Oh, well, thank you. MATT: “All righty. Well, here.” MARISHA: I’ll take those bracers. MATT: “Well here, I’ll do a total price here, and
then you guys can–” LIAM: 872, 873, 874. LAURA and SAM: Oh, no. MATT: “It’s 400 for getting your handaxe
enchanted.” LAURA: Yes, and then another two because I’m going
in halvsies on the cloak. LIAM: 949. MATT: “Well, I’m doing a total amount here first,
don’t– You guys can decide how to divvy it up for you.” LIAM: 951, 952. SAM: Do you take cards? MATT: “So that’s 450 for the cloak. That’s 1,200
for the bracers. That’s 300 for the handle. No dust?” TALIESIN: No, we’ll pass on the dust for now. It’s
interesting. MATT: “And then you got a– and then 300 for the
spells.” LIAM: Yeah, and 600 gold with of paper and ink,
and then 20 for all the incense you have right now, and I’m going to leave 40 in advance for more
incense coming. MATT: “Hold on a second there. So it’s 300 worth
of spells, and you said 600 worth of paper and “ink, right?” At this time you guys have been
discussing, the other Pumat comes back with his cloak with a big old crate in his hand and goes,
“Got the rest of the paper and ink. Hold on.” Sets it down. LIAM: Oh, jeez. MATT: “Then that is 20 gold for your incense?” LIAM: I would like to give you 60 gold now for
that much incense. I understand you only have about 20 now, but I know you’re good for the rest,
so I’ll just pay in advance. MATT: “All right. Are you guys all marking off
your amounts?” MARISHA: Yeah. Costs? TALIESIN: Well, we’re waiting for the total, but
yeah. MARISHA: I’m taking just 25 gold off of my
bracers. MATT: “Based on how many pieces you’ve thrown at
me, it’s probably better to have you all just “deduct what you’ve spent individually. I was going
to try that, but then…” MARISHA: No. MATT: “That got a little chaotic there.” MARISHA: Give me them bracers! MATT: “All righty, so there’s your sword, there’s
your bracers, there’s your cloak.” LAURA: With the dust of deliciousness, is that one
use, or multiple uses? MATT: “Six servings of dust in this.” TALIESIN: That’s why I was like hmm. LAURA: That’s still pretty good. TALIESIN: It’s still good, but– LAURA: (whispers) Okay, I want some of that, too. MATT: “All right. Well, there you go. Go ahead and
mark off that amount there as well. When all is “said and done, when you’ve marked off your
amounts, here’s a hundred gold back. You may “redistribute it as you see fit.” TRAVIS: Oh, shit, you got a hundred dollar
rebate! MARISHA: We got a rebate, 100 gold! LAURA: Really? MATT: Well, that was what you haggled them down. TRAVIS and LAURA: Oh. MARISHA: Oh, so we’re– Okay, we’re good. MATT: It just makes it easier than adding. LAURA: Will you take five gold off of the dust
because you like me? MATT: Make a persuasion check. TALIESIN: We all take 25– We each saved 25 gold. MARISHA: 25 gold. SAM: What? LAURA: That means he likes me! 20! MATT: “Well, only because you asked so nice, but
don’t tell the boss.” LAURA: (whispers) I won’t. MATT: “All right?” LAURA: Cool. MARISHA: Feels so good! Feels like real shopping;
I get a shopping high! Cathartic! MATT: “So I’ll see you back here in about five
days or so there, Jester, and we should have a “fresh, new, enchanted handaxe there for you.” LAURA: Okay! MATT: “All righty. Well, it’s been a pleasure.” LIAM: Thank you for your business. What was that
book that you were reading? MATT: “Oh, it’s–” He pulls it up again. “It’s
that Taryon fellow, or whatever. But I’m most of “the way through it. Kind of a slow reader.” LIAM: Are you the last Pumat of the Pumats to read
it? MATT: “Yeah, we’ve been kind of passing it around
as we each finish it.” LIAM: Hmm. You should form a book club. MATT: “I’ll ask him. Really appreciate the
suggestion.” LIAM: Well, thank you for your business, I have a
lot to do. And I am going to attempt to lift the crate of paper. TALIESIN: I can help with that. LIAM: Oh, thank you. TALIESIN: Yep. (grunts) Yeah, that’s– Oh, that’s
heavy. LIAM: With the legs. TALIESIN: (grunts) LIAM: Exeunt. MATT: Most of the weight is the materials that
contain the paper. The paper isn’t very heavy, but because it is specifically designed and made for
the uses of inscribing and enchantment and other things, it is contained in very, very careful,
protective wooden boxes. They’re all stacked repeatedly within this crate. LIAM: And I guess as we’re leaving, walking along,
Beauregard, who’s sort of googling at her new bracers, do you have any plans– MARISHA: Do they look cool? LIAM: I don’t know how to answer that. MATT: “Hey, Caduceus! Pleasure to meet you.” TALIESIN: Oh, it’s a pleasure to meet you, as
well. I’m sure we’ll see each other again real soon. MATT: “We’ll hope so. Brightened up the room.” TALIESIN: Oh, thank you. And what a room to
brighten. MATT: “Aww, you’re too kind.” TALIESIN: You’re the best. MARISHA: Do they, like, go with the outfit,
though? LIAM: You look angry. MARISHA: Yeah? Dope. LIAM: Do you have any, er, plans to– well, I
would like to, I don’t know if you want to. But may I go to the library again with you? MARISHA: Yeah. LIAM: Oh, thank you. MARISHA: I’m going back probably tomorrow, next
day, something like that. LIAM: Oh, for a day or two? MARISHA: I was thinking like an extended weekend.
Like a Friday-to-Monday, four-days-three-nights type of thing, if you’re down. LIAM: Er, yes. If you wouldn’t mind, I would be
very– MARISHA: You don’t have to stay the whole time,
but that’s what I’m going to do. You can do whatever the fuck you want. LIAM: If they give me– Would I be allowed to
peruse this– MARISHA: I’m not your fucking babysitter. LIAM: I did not say you were my babysitter! I just
wanted to look at the books! MARISHA: Just want to get that out there. LIAM: I don’t know why you had that in your mind!
I just want to look– Thank you. And I walk off with my paper. TALIESIN: We’re going to be looking for a gem
shop. And also, if there’s an herb shop. I’ve been meaning to learn how to make healing potions. I’ve
gotten a little bit of a basic understanding. LIAM: (whispers) I do have a couple things left on
my to-do list though, okay? (laughter) TALIESIN: And some general shopping that’s just
some stuff that doesn’t really have– MATT: Yeah, there’s Grace of the Wilds, which is
in the Pentamarket district. You find it. You in particular, you find it very quickly because
you’re attuned to the smell of some of the herbs and various mosses that they’re been cultivating
and drying out there. You’re like, (sniffs). That’s familiar. (sniffs) Yeah. And so, much like
Toucan Sam, you follow your nose– TALIESIN: It always knows! MATT: –to Grace of the Wilds, and there you see a
female woman, 50s, with kind of wild, big, black, curly hair, who’s just sitting there. Nobody else
is paying mind to the front, little tent that she has set up that is attached to what appears to
be the rest of her shop, which is mostly closed-off and dark. As you approach, she glances
over and goes, “Hah! Hi! Can I help you? What do you need, what do you need? What can I do?” LAURA: Hi! Are you Grace? MATT: “No, I’m Jesna Bree. But this is Grace of
the Wilds, this is my shop. But welcome! Welcome. “Welcome, welcome.” TALIESIN: I’m still playing catch-up, one second.
Hi! I was curious– I was looking to maybe start learning how to make some healing potions of some
kind– MATT: “For training? You want to train?” TALIESIN: Well, yeah. I mean, if that’s possible.
And also, I’m– just some stuff for cooking. And otherwise I’m just looking for a nice general set
of a few things. I’ve got a list here, just some food flavors as well. MATT: “Of course, of course! Just give me your
list, I’d like to see.” TALIESIN: Oh, sure. This is actually my general– MATT: I know. I figured. “Oh. Ah. Okay, yeah!” And
as she’s talking to you, you watch as her other hand takes a piece of chalk and is writing on the
wall behind her. “I’d be more than happy to help, and I can help! A lot of things I can help you
with too, and I’m happy to!” And then, in kind of crappy handwriting underneath all the various
prices of the herbs and things that are provided you now see ‘training.’ She’s added it to her list
of things that she does, as talking to you. TALIESIN: You’re probably the person to ask if
there’s a good tea shop in town. I feel like you’d probably know where to get a nice caffeinated
beverage. MATT: “Oh! Oh, yes. Oh yes. Oh yes, I can help
with the tea. The tea? I can help “with. So, training! What do you want to train in?
Please, tell me.” TALIESIN: I’ve been hoping to learn how to make
healing potions, actually, in general. Just start to kind of break in that, uh– MATT: “Okay, okay. Okay, that can be done. It may
take some time. Little bit of time. Give me your “time, we’ll make it work.” TRAVIS: (laughing) Oh my god, she’s got a caffeine
fucking IV under the desk. Holy shit. MATT: The herbalism kit for this is– It’s five–
you already have one. TALIESIN: I have an herbalism kit, I just want
to– do I need a special proficiency or get the ingredients to help make one. I do have the
herbalism kit. MATT: Yeah, you would be purchasing proficiencies,
the training is what you would be doing. This would be the bulk of your downtime, because it
will take a while for you to really get– TALIESIN: I only had a couple other light things I
was going to do anyway. MATT: But the full training for this will come to
about, I’ll say, 200 gold. TALIESIN: I can do that. MATT: And you are now proficient in the herbalism
kit. TALIESIN: Actually, I was already proficient in
the herbalism kit, I was just specifically looking for the stuff to make the potions. MATT: Oh, I misunderstood! Oh! TALIESIN: No, I got that already. I’ve never–
Back when I did this they didn’t have all this craziness. MATT: I’ve got you. Well, if that’s the case,
buying the materials– You’re essentially buying them at half-price. You can make healing potions,
but you get to make them at 25 gold apiece, as opposed to 50. TALIESIN: Sure! I’ll get– Let’s get 150 gold
worth of that, and then probably some cooking spices, too. MATT: Okay, yeah. Cooking spices will run you a
gold for the full set. TALIESIN: Oh, so it’s 151. Anything else of
interest or otherwise? Maybe some good beverages or otherwise there? MATT: You can find a whole bevy of beverages all
throughout the Pentamarket. TALIESIN: Yeah, I’ll find other stuff otherwise.
Other than that I’ve got diamonds and some– I’m looking for some general store kind of stuff. MATT: Okay. So at 150 gold, (counting) that’s six
healing potions that you have the materials to make. But you can spend your downtime during this
week to make a few, if you’d like. TALIESIN: Yeah. MATT: That’ll put you at about one potion per day
of creation. So you can easily take this time to make all six. TALIESIN: Oh, easily. MATT: They’re baseline healing potions, level one,
but you should be able to do so. Cool. And you made a friend with Jasna Bree! TALIESIN: Wow, that’s a lot. MATT: She’s a little sad that she doesn’t get a
chance to teach you or train you, but she’s like, “That’s okay, next time! Next time. Whenever you
feel like it, you come on by. I’ll teach you. No “worries.” TALIESIN: Oh, that’s excellent. LAURA: Deuce. TALIESIN: Yeah. LAURA: We need to buy some diamonds. TALIESIN: We need diamonds. I also need a new tea
kettle. But yeah, we need diamonds. MATT: A tea kettle you can get. TALIESIN: I need a– I want a tea kettle, I want
some new cookware, I want some kitchen supplies, I want a straw hat. I would like a hat. It’s hot
out. There’s the sun, and I can feel the sun, it’s as if I’ve been in the sun all day. (laughter) TALIESIN: Not quite this hat, but it’s in the
right direction. TRAVIS: Wider brim? TALIESIN: Wider brim. Wider brim. MATT: I’d say you manage to acquire the cooking
supplies, the kettle, some fine teas that you can acquire, and altogether I’d say– TALIESIN: I have stuff to cook. MATT: I’d say that would put you back about– with
the hat? Four gold. TALIESIN: Oh, man. All right, 155. MATT: You weren’t asking for anything too crazy. TALIESIN: Nope, that’s cool. I’m easy. Now we just
need to find the diamonds. LAURA: Now we need to find some diamonds. MATT: All right. So for that? Let’s see here. MARISHA: I typed in the bracers and they showed up
with an image. LAURA: Whoa! SAM: How? What? MARISHA: That’s in D&D Beyond. (singing) D&D
Beyond. SAM: (singing) Be my girl tonight, D&D Beyond. LIAM: They even had my hand-me-down Periapt of
Wound Closure. MATT: Make an investigation check. LAURA: Both of us, or just me? MATT: Well, if you’re both looking for it, you can
aid or help. So, advantage on that. LAURA: Advantage! SAM: This is for diamonds? Ooh. LAURA: (singing) Investigation. 11. Sorry. MATT: 11. Asking around, most folks– Well,
diamonds as a rough, raw material is hard to find. Usually, they’re already embedded in jewelry and
most jewelers are out there. Eventually, somebody points you to a place, like, (dismissively) “If
anyone will have it, it’s probably over at Suvo’s Secrets.” LAURA and SAM: Suvo’s Secrets? MATT: Suvo’s Secrets. And they point you over to
this large, gray shop tent that has an ominous feel when you look at it. As bright a day as it
is, it’s like the Addams Family house in the Pentamarket. It looks… it looks unwelcome. TRAVIS: On Halloween, all the kids are outside? MATT: Yeah, it’s a very drab, very coarse material
that the tent is made out of. Outside, it looks like the ropes that are affixing it down are
rotted a bit, and you can see that some of the ropes are starting to pull and tear on the edges.
It looks closed. Except for there’s– where the flaps come together in the middle. It doesn’t look
like anything that you should buy from. LAURA: Let’s go in there. TALIESIN: I’m very excited. It looks great! MATT: All right. As you enter Suvo’s Secrets–
(laughing) You’re hitting the tent front? You’re not walking in? LAURA: No, we’re seeing if it’s open. MATT: Yeah, it’s open. It’s an entrance. You go
inside and the interior– It’s maybe 20 feet by 20 feet, it’s not a very large interior space. And it
looks like there are some tables set up on the far ends, perimeter to the outside of it. And on the
back, there is a very, very large custom rocking chair that is just like, (creaking). And sitting
in it, you see an older, very intense-looking female dragonborn, bronze-scaled, but in the age
they’re starting to turn a bit green at the edges, kind of patinaed a little. She sits there in the
rocking chair, hands kind of crossed on the chest, just rocking and looking at you as you enter. TALIESIN: It’s a nice place you got here. MATT: “Thank you very much. Welcome to Suvo’s
Secrets.” LAURA: Are you Suvo? MATT: “Yes. Who are you?” LAURA: I am Jester. MATT: “Jester. What are you looking for that I
might be helping you with?” TALIESIN and LAURA: Secrets. LAURA: And diamonds, probably. TALIESIN: Oh, and what else? It was diamonds.
Diamonds and secrets. Secret diamonds. MATT: She leans forward and her hands hit the
front of her knees. Leaning back, she looks very small, but once she steps into the little bit of
light that’s coming through the front of the tent, Suvo’s a fairly large dragonborn, and, even just
leaning forward sitting, is almost as tall as you are, Jester. LAURA: Whoa! MATT: “Diamonds, you say?” LAURA: Yes. MATT: “How many diamonds are you looking for?” LAURA: How many do you have? MATT: “Maybe 12.” TALIESIN: That’s a lot of diamonds. LAURA: That sounds like a lot of diamonds. Are
they big diamonds or little diamonds? I don’t know. MATT: She reaches back and there’s this large– It
looks just like a sack. Just a general sack and she reaches and grabs the edge and scoots it over
without breaking eye contact. It scrapes across the ground and you hear things clattering around
inside, like she’s carrying a large pouch of various pots and pans. She reaches in, still
looking at you. “One.” LAURA: Oh, Caleb should be here right now! MATT: “Two.” And eventually counts out 12
varying-sized diamonds. They all look– Some are cut, it looks like one of them is a little rough,
and just hasn’t been cut by a jeweler yet. But, sure enough, they’re– LAURA: We can tell they’re really diamonds? MATT: Make a perception check. LIAM: Your Laura is showing. LAURA: Well, just making sure she’s not ripping us
off. TALIESIN: I’ll join you in this perception check. LAURA: Okay. Ooh, that’s good. Perception. 20. TALIESIN: 14. LAURA: I’ve seen a lot of diamonds in my day. MATT: You have. You’ve seen some fine jewelry,
especially from your mother’s chests. TRAVIS: Yeah, her chests. Sorry. LAURA: There’s lots of diamonds right in here. MATT: (laughing) It’s the tassels. (laughter) TALIESIN: So many carats! So many carats! MATT: (whoosh, whoosh, whoosh) It’s sharp and
dangerous. TALIESIN: Ow! Ow! Ow! LIAM: (singing) Best lay ever. TALIESIN: Ahh! Ahh! I’m cut, I’m cut! (laughter) SAM: Children. We’re all children. MATT: Yeah, we are. LIAM: That’s why we’re here. MATT: Exactly! LIAM: This is serious. MATT: These are all legitimate diamonds with
varying degrees of worth. But looking at the batch, there’s probably about 700– We’ll say,
rounded off, about– Roughly 750 gold worth of diamonds of the group, that she set. TALIESIN: 600. About 600 will do both of us. LAURA: Yeah, so we’ll buy all but, you know,
these two little ones. Because those probably add up to about 150. MATT: “That is all right. They will still be here
when you come back.” LAURA: Okay. MATT: Drops them into the satchel, pushes it away.
(creaking, thumping) LAURA: I’ll do 300 and you do 300? TALIESIN: Yeah, that works for me. MATT: So you each have 300 gold worth of diamonds on
you. LAURA: Okie dokie. Oh! Is there anything else in
here? Because this seems like a really cool shop. Is there anything else that I want? MATT: “There are many things.” SAM: (whispering) Secrets! MATT: Grabs and pulls the sack back over. LAURA: Does she just have the sack? The one bag in
the shop? MATT: Yeah. The tables are all empty. LAURA: (laughing) That’s so cool! MATT: There is just a sack where she keeps all of
the goods. TALIESIN: All of her secrets! Oh, I get it now!
That’s great! MATT: Reaches in and pulls out what looks to be a
mummified creature’s hand. You can’t– It’s not quite humanoid, it’s got fur on it. Sets it down.
“This is a treated owlbear matron hand.” TALIESIN: I don’t know what that is, but that’s
really cool. LAURA: Wow! MATT: “25 gold. It’s a good keepsake.” LAURA: Okay. MATT: Reaches in, pulls out a big batch of garlic.
Just a big old batch of garlic in a small netted sack. She goes, “Garlic. Good for cooking and also
for keeping away…vampyr!” (laughter) LAURA: You know what we could do? Get the garlic,
sprinkle the Dust of Deliciousness on the garlic, and feed it to thevampyr! TALIESIN: Then they’d be in pain and very
susceptible to– MATT: Make a religion check, Jester. LAURA: Would I know this stuff? A natural one! MATT: This plan sounds perfectly sound. (laughter) TALIESIN: I want to see what else is in the sack
before– We shouldn’t negotiate until we know everything. LAURA: Yeah, this is true. MATT: So, for the sake of brevity– TALIESIN: For the sake of brevity. MATT: It’s a whole slew of strange knickknacks– LAURA: And we sit there while she pulls out the
entire bag. MATT: Yeah, it takes the better part of 30 or 40
minutes or so. There’s an iron mask. Where the mouth should be, it’s just these two metal tusks
that stick out, almost like a cast-iron orc mask. MARISHA: (whispering) Russell Crowe! (laughter) TRAVIS: Are you not entertained!? MATT: Oh my god. There are– There’s half of a
chess set carved from jade. When I say half, I mean not like one side or the other: half of each
side, so it’s completely useless. There is a single vial that has a familiar, red, medicinal
liquid in it. It looks like there is a healing potion, should you be so inclined to purchase it.
And the rest of it is just absolute junk. TALIESIN: I’ll take the garlic. MATT: “Very well. Two gold.” Which is really
expensive for fucking garlic. TALIESIN: I’m thinking, that’s– One gold. MATT: Make a persuasion check. SAM: One gold? TRAVIS: Yeah. SAM: Hardcore negotiations. TALIESIN: Ah, 20. MATT: “It is yours.” SAM: (whispering) Secrets! MARISHA: That’s still overpriced for garlic. MATT: It’s so overpriced for garlic. LAURA: How much is the healing potion? TALIESIN: It’sgoodgarlic. Never can pay too–
Yeah, it’s really nice garlic. LIAM: Heirloom. Artisinal. MATT: It is actually pretty artisanal garlic. TALIESIN: Artisanal garlic. TRAVIS: It came out of the ground. MATT: All right, so yeah. This would be a greater
healing potion. SAM: Ooh! LAURA: Oh, that’s expensive. TRAVIS: Maybe not from her. TALIESIN: Ask. MARISHA: She just charged two gold for garlic. MATT: No. For this, she’s like, “This will run 250
gold pieces. But it will keep you from dying in “places where you will probably most likely be
dying.” LAURA: Wow. I would take it, but I don’t have
enough gold. MATT: Pulls it back and puts it back in the
satchel. “Then you will not have it!” LAURA: Okay. TALIESIN: I’m going to hold out the garlic one
more time. Just checking. Seems legit. MATT: (laughing) She seems to nod like, “Well
done.” LAURA: Oh, I did that wrong. SAM: Yes, you did. LAURA: It was because I was listening to what he
was saying. I was distracted. There we go. Okay. MATT: “No mask?” LAURA: How much for the mask? TALIESIN: You don’t know where that’s been. LAURA: I know. MATT: Five gold. LAURA: Ah. Ooh. Three gold! MATT: Make a persuasion check. LAURA: No! Er, seven! MATT: Five gold. LAURA: Deal. MATT: “Be careful. They say the curse lasts for
whoever– I don’t remember the rest of it. It’s “just a mask, there’s no enchantment. It’s just a
very scary mask. But congratulations, it’s yours.” TRAVIS: Just bailed. (laughter) MARISHA: It’s all bullshit. MATT: It’s all bullshit. Well, most of it’s
bullshit from this individual. LAURA: Okay. MATT: “Very well. Is that the end of it?” LAURA: I think so. TALIESIN: I feel very satisfied with this entire
expedition. MATT: “Be safe and come back again. I am very
interested to sell to you what else might come my way.” LAURA: Thank you, Suvos. LIAM: (whispering) Shallots! Chives! MATT: You step out. The bright light of the midday
sun– The clouds of the previous storm have parted a bit and there’s actually bright light and your
eyes have to adjust. You’re like, “Aah, Ah! Ah.” TALIESIN: I’m perfectly satisfied with my shopping
experience. LAURA: I’m done with my shopping. All of my money
is gone. MATT: All right. Who else? We’ve done a few things
with you guys. We’ve done Nott’s stuff. Fjord, anything you want to do? TRAVIS: Sure. Yeah. The previous events have
rocked Fjord a little bit. Are there any bars or taverns in Zadash that may house frequent sailors
or people of trade, merchants? MATT: Sailors, not so much. The Empire is
landlocked aside from the very far north, and those waters are in the frigid depths. It’s a lot
of ice floes and treacherous water up there. So there is very little passage up north. The
Menagerie Coast, as you know, is where all of the port towns are, and that’s the relationship
between the Empire and The Menagerie Coast. That agreement is based on the fact that, essentially,
the Menagerie Coast holds all the long-term imports and exports in the palm of their hand. TRAVIS: I know that I’ve made that trip. How far
is it from Zadash back to the northernmost part of the Menagerie Coast? MATT: That would be Nicodranas. Nicodranas from
Zadash, it’s a little over a week to get there, I’d say. TRAVIS: (sighs) I think Fjord’s going to take a
steed and start heading south by himself. MARISHA: Oh shit. SAM: What? He’s going on walkabout? MARISHA: He’s going on a walkabout. TRAVIS: While he heads south, I’d like to adopt
various disguises as I stop in inns, taverns, places of trade, and carefully hear if anyone is
mentioning the name “Sabian,” if people are talking about ships, and try and casually make my
way further south, knowing that I have an amount of time to get back north. I’d like to try to make
my way down and see what I can hear and find out. MATT: Okay. Make three successive investigation
checks for me, please. TRAVIS: Okay. 12, nine, and a six. MATT: You make it as far south as Trostenwald
before the frustration wells up inside you. It’s been a series of dead ends. You’ve asked around
and listened, and anyone who would’ve crossed paths with some of the shipping lanes that you’re
familiar with and that Sabian was familiar with, none of them are passing this far north. You
assume that to continue this, you would have to go to the Menagerie Coast, and that would involve a
thorough passage through Nicodranas and the various wharf taverns and seeing what old
connections you might be able to dredge up in that time, but that’s going to take you a little
while. TRAVIS: Yeah, I think I’ll make it to the end of
that week and start to make my way back. MATT: By the end of the week, you’ll get not quite
to Nicodranas. If you want to, you can traverse the Wuyun Gorge, pass through the Wuyun Gates, and
head into the Menagerie Coast. You will be alone, and it isn’t a not-dangerous road. So just be
aware. There are some possibilities. TRAVIS: No, I know now that the strength is in the
numbers of the group. I’ll stop and head back. MATT: You sure? TRAVIS: Yeah. MATT: Okay. After this unfortunately not-fruitful
travel south in seeking out any possible word of Sabian, you shift your attention back and decide
to rally with your allies. Perhaps that’s the direction you want to go in the future. Okay, what
else would you like to do? TRAVIS: That’s about it. MATT: Okay. Very well. Anybody else? LIAM: Yeah, if that invitation was good and I have
about, as she said, the next day, Caleb’s going to pull an all-nighter. I’m going to spend time in a
hotel room, an inn, and take the lucky rock and I’m going to fill it with transmutative power and
make a Transmuter’s Stone out of it, and for now we will have it let me see in the dark. For now. I
would also transcribe every spell that was in the book and every scroll that I have found so that I
use up all the paper that I have purchased. Have every spell. And Frumpkin is back. As a cat. MATT: All righty. Cat Frumpkin has returned. LIAM: There is only one Frumpkin. I stayed up all
night doing all of those things because they’re very time-intensive and would have went to find
Beauregard, very tired and ready to go, to stay at the library as long as I am able. She said a
number of days, and when those days are up, the thing that I would do is spend as much time that
is left with the– I would borrow Jester’s haversack, if she would let me, and spend time
with the dodecahedron. MATT: Okay. We’ll get to that. First, you guys
make your way to the archive and you enter there, and the following morning Caleb is very
tired-looking, but also hard to tell. MARISHA: ‘Sup, man! You ready for this monk
retreat? Monk retreat! LIAM: I want to learn all of the martial arts. MARISHA: Let’s go. MATT: Making your way into the archive, it’s
fairly bustling in comparison to what you know. It’s either dead or there’s a handful of people
going through it. Today it’s a handful of people going through. You’re like, “Oh wow, there’s four
people in here researching right now.” MARISHA: No one ever cares about books this much.
It’s weird. MATT: Within a short time– what are you looking
to do, Beauregard? MARISHA: I ask around and see if Dairon is there. MATT: One of the monks goes, “Let me go inquire.
I’ll be right back,” and wanders up the stairs. You see them descend the stairs with another
figure. Gray robes with blue lining, hood pulled back, and there you see Zeenoth. MARISHA: Oh. MATT: He steps down and goes, “Beauregard. I
wasn’t aware you had returned.” MARISHA: Hi. MATT: “Hi. Dairon, unfortunately, is still out on
the front lines.” MARISHA: What? MATT: “Well, she’s been sent to assess political
threats beyond the eastern border. Been gone for “about 30 days and is said to return in the next 45
before we send anyone after her. But I’m sure “she’s fine.” MARISHA: She said she’d be back within a month,
that she was just checking out the front lines at Bladegarden. MATT: “Well, things change when they’re at that
moment of conflict.” MARISHA: You sent her behind enemy lines? MATT: “No. She progressed behind enemy lines and
then wrote to us that she was staying for an “extended period. She’s impetuous. I think you may
know something about that. Anyway, I’m sorry “Dairon is not here. What are you inquiring
about?” MARISHA: Just hoping to check in with her and
catch up on some coaching. MATT: “Ah. Well, there is Tubo. Tubo is quite an
accomplished monk of the Cobalt Soul and might be “able to help you, whereas Dairon could not.” MARISHA: Do I know Tubo? MATT: You’ve seen Tubo. You’ve not directly
interacted, because Tubo, much like Dairon, works on a higher level. You hadn’t quite garnished the
attention beyond just being “that brat” for a while. Tubo is this very dark-skinned halfling
with very short, widow’s peak-type hair, and this very calm smile about him. Very well-respected,
but you haven’t really seen him move or do anything other than walking through the archive
and be present. MARISHA: Is he an expositor? MATT: You don’t know. MARISHA: Hmm. Yeah, all right. MATT: “All right. I shall return. Good seeing you
again.” MARISHA: Yeah, you too. MATT: Zeenoth’s patient smile fades as he turns.
Within a short time, you see coming from down the same staircase, Tubo, his arms folded in front of
him as he descends and turns toward you. “So you “are Beauregard, correct?” MARISHA: That’s me. MATT: “And you’re looking for training while your
expositor is away, correct?” MARISHA: Yeah, I mean– MATT: “Follow me.” MARISHA: Okay. Also, I got this guy with me. Can
he get a room and a library pass? MATT: Zeenoth, who’s a little bit behind, goes,
“I’ll accompany him in his reading, if that’s all right?” MARISHA: Zeenoth, Caleb. Caleb, Zeenoth. MATT: “We’ve met, in Trostenwald.” LIAM:Hallo. MATT: “Hello. Please, lead the way to where you’d
wish to read.” LIAM: Oh, thank you. Thank you. MARISHA: Mm-hmm. MATT: All right. Tubo brings you to a chamber you
haven’t been in in a while, which is the formal training grounds beneath the archive. There is a
set of double doors in the far end that blend in mostly with the dark wood that a lot of the bookcases
are crafted out of. It leads you down a set of stairs into what is essentially a training pit
with very heavily packed sand and dirt, and there are a number of wooden poles that emerge from
beneath that have all sorts of skewed extensions. This is where a lot of forms are practiced and a
lot of defensive maneuvers are utilized. You were brought through in this area for training in waves
time and again, but it’s been a while since you’ve been down here, since you’ve been abroad, and
there’s no other people there training currently. Tubo brings you down. “Very well. Show me what
you’ve got.” For the sake of brevity– SAM: You die. MATT: Yes. Roll up a new character. Tubo splatters
you across the wall. You spar for a bit, showing him the limits of your capabilities, and he’s
deftly, with a smile on his face, dodging, parrying. You get a few good hits in and he backs
away. “Very good,” and then begins to overwhelm you with his assault, but never enough to inflict
pain, just enough to throw you off your guard until a moment he turns around and puts his hands
up into a cross once more and goes, “Four days. I “need four days with you.” MARISHA: Okay. And then what happens? MATT: “And then your training for now is
complete.” MARISHA: Yeah, all right. MATT: “Day one begins. Time to read.” MARISHA: What?! MATT: He takes you back upstairs and begins to
collect books and throw them into a pile and sits you down. MARISHA: I look at Caleb across the library. MATT: You begin reading and it’s getting
frustrated, but as you’re reading, Tubo begins to lean in and say, “As you’re reading, think
carefully about what you’re trying to find. What “you’re trying to learn.” MARISHA: Okay, what am I trying to learn? MATT: What are you looking to research? MARISHA: Is there any type of history on families
of Wildemount, or any type of underground trade going on? Family trees? Connections? MATT: For the portion of this day, Tubo begins to
instruct you on how to not just read and research, but in focusing your spiritual energy on the
specific things you’re searching, you begin to find quick ways to Johnny 5 through tomes to find
what you’re looking for. With this comes your ability to spend a ki point to gain advantage on
an investigation check. MARISHA: Dope. MATT: Day two comes around and he brings you down
to the subterranean chamber for more training. This time, he begins to show you how to use that
same internal, spiritual energy or ki at the moment of impact to give off this very localized
wave of spiritual energy. He begins to tell you how, “This can break through defenses of things
that are meant to not be touched with a mortal “hand. This is intended as a way to bypass
sometimes the mundane protections.” Through this training, he teaches you how use your empowered
strikes, where now your physical fists and attacks as a monk are considered magical. MARISHA: Ghost puncher. MATT: Yes, you can now punch ghosts. MARISHA: Sick. MATT: Day three, he brings you down to the chamber
with a chair, and says, “Sit.” MARISHA: Okay. MATT: “Tell me. Tell me a secret.” MARISHA: Is this Truth or Dare? MATT: “Kind of. Do you want to tell me a secret?” MARISHA: Is there a dare option? MATT: “No.” MARISHA: Then it’s not Truth or Dare. You know
Truth or Dare, right? MATT: He looks frustrated, turns around, does a
little loop, comes back, and as you’re about to speak up again, he does a series of quick hits
that hurt a little, but that catch you right in the clavicle, the side of throat, and then right
under the chin. As you pull back, make a saving throw for me, please. This would be a charisma
saving throw, I believe. MARISHA: 12. Not good. MATT: He begins to ask you questions about your
youth and your family history– things you don’t normally talk about with anybody. Outside of
stopping yourself from speaking at all, you’re on the verge of constantly giving up the information.
He teaches you, “This is a technique that allows “you to pull the truth from those that would not be
so forthcoming. It is situationally very useful, “and I will show this to you.” And so he teaches
you the Extort Truth ability. On the fourth and final day, he leads you down and begins to show you how
to use your ki capabilities, your spiritual energy, to blend it with moments of adrenaline
bursts to give yourself a moment of reactionary time where previously you would have expended any
capability of preparing yourself for an assault. As he puts you through hours of this rigorous
training, he goes, “Very well. The time to show “what you can do has come.” Claps. You watch as two
other monks come down. (laughs) But they have bows and arrows, and they have a third one they hand to
him. They all nock the arrows and aim them right at you. SAM: Tubo versus Beau with bows! (laughter) LIAM: Bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo. MARISHA: That’s deeply accurate. MATT: Yeah. Tubo goes, “Fire.” All three arrows
come toward you. That’s a 19 to hit. MARISHA: 19 just hits. MATT: Okay. That’s another 19, actually. And that
is a 23. So all three hit you. TRAVIS: Jesus. Fuck your bracers. MARISHA: (groaning) TRAVIS: I got new shit! (impacts) MARISHA: I’m Wonder Woman! I’m not Wonder Woman. MATT: The first arrow is ten points of damage. MARISHA: Can I do the thing? MATT: Yes, you can. MARISHA: Spend a ki point. How many points of
damage? MATT: Ten. MARISHA: Ten? No points of damage. MATT: You catch one arrow. MARISHA: Wait, I’m level six now, right? MATT: Correct. MARISHA: One point of damage. I lied. MATT: Okay. You take one point of damage. You just
barely catch it. It manages to nick the side of your shoulder. MARISHA: Okay. MATT: The two other arrows are coming at you as
well. MARISHA: I can only do this thing once though,
right? Or I can keep spending ki points to do that, right? I’ll do it one more time. MATT: Okay, you can do that now, if you have
another reaction. MARISHA: That’s right, which I do. TALIESIN: You have multiple reactions? MARISHA: I do now. SAM: What?! LAURA: Everybody, be a monk. TALIESIN: What?! MARISHA: If I spend a ki point. One, two. MATT: You don’t have to spend a ki point to reduce
the damage. You spend a ki point to throw it back. MARISHA: So I will spend an extra reaction, then,
to catch the other one. MATT: You spend the same ki point. Roll for damage
reduction on the next one. That’s 12 points of damage. MARISHA: I rolled 11, so another one point of
damage. MATT: You catch both arrows. The third one is
coming towards you. MARISHA: And one more. MATT: Spend another ki point. That’s two ki points
now. You get to roll to reduce the third one. MARISHA: 12. MATT: Yeah, that one does no damage. You catch one
arrow out of the air. It just barely nicks your shoulder. The other one you catch just as it
scrapes past the side of your arm. The third one you catch in the middle of the air with no impact.
In the blink of an eye, you’ve deflected all three arrows shot at the same time. MARISHA: I turn to Tubo and I go: Did you see
that?! MATT: “I did. And with that, your training is
complete.” MARISHA: Oh. I don’t get to kill those guys? MATT: “No!” He hands the shortbow to the other one
and they all head back upstairs. MARISHA: Sorry, I’m sure you’re really lovely
people. MATT: “Impressive. Dairon was not wrong about
you.” MARISHA: Wait, what has– Dairon’s been talking
about me? What has she been saying? MATT: “That you are an apt pupil. Now, our time is
done. I have things to do. And four days with you “has been more than enough.” MARISHA: Yeah. I get that a lot. MATT: He makes his way back up and escorts you out
of the training chamber. SAM: Guys, hasn’t the last four days been amazing? LAURA: Yes, really peaceful, actually. MARISHA: I go find Caleb and I go: Let’s go! LAURA: Four days later. MATT: So during this time, Caleb? LIAM: If I had four days to peruse at will, I
would have spent the first day trying to research anything I could find about Xhorhas, the
Xhorasians’ mentions of beacons, of them living many lives, their religion, if possible. MATT: Make an investigation check with advantage
to find all the right information. LIAM: Investigation? That is 19. MATT: So, on that specific thing, you learn about
the Kryn Dynasty, which is the Xhorhasian society that exists in the ruins of Ghor Dranas. You know
that most of them were drow, dark elf, from what you’ve heard and the ones you’ve interacted with.
Now, the drow were brethren alongside all elves in the past history until their minds were corrupted
and swayed by the terrible silver tongue of Lolth the Spider Queen, one of the Betrayer Gods. Under
her will, they became deceptive, cruel, and violent. When the Betrayer Gods were defeated and
banished during the Calamity, and the Divergence that separated the mortal realm from the gods that
once threatened to destroy it entirely, the drow returned to their subterranean cities to rebuild
their power far from the burning light of day. Much of the recent studies into current drow
society across Exandria speak of growing paranoia and madness that’s seeping in with the believed
influence of Tharizdun, the Chained Oblivion. Whether it be by proximity of remnants of his
power deep beneath the surface that have grown close to these societies, but there is whispers
and research that say that some of these dark elf societies are being driven slowly mad by this
influence. Strangely, what studies you’ve been able to find that talk about penetrating the Kryn
Dynasty’s intense boundaries– I fucking looked at you immediately, Laura, because I knew where it
was going. LAURA: You see? You know it, too. That means you
looked at me because you knew. MATT: Of course. As soon as I read the word I was
like– Without fail. LIAM: Pray to the great god titty. MATT: We missed you. But for those who were able
to move past the boundaries to research more of what little is known of the Kryn Dynasty, there is
little in iconography under Lolth or Tharizdun. And what remains of that is ancient and crumbling
and largely ignored by the society. LIAM: Do I find any mention of these beacons– he
mentioned beacons, plural– and reincarnation or multiple lives? MATT: There’s nothing about beacons, nothing about
reincarnation. However, it does speak of the dynasty worshiping something other, something that
is new and dangerous as far as the Cobalt Soul is concerned, with what little research they have.
They refer to it as “The Luxon” and seek to bring all under its burning banner. They’ve rallied to
the surface of Ghor Dranas, casting the skies in eternal midnight that spreads with their dominion.
They’ve begun taking the ravenous hordes of beast-men and terrors of the Xhorhasian wastes,
and indoctrinate them under this new false god. You also learn that a number of people, mostly
children of adolescent age, have been found abducted in the night by the Kryn on occasion,
though the number has steeply grown this past generation, years after the first open conflicts
with the Kryn began. The last thing you discover is the leader of the dynasty is known as Empress
Leylas Kryn. She is called an “umavi” by them, though the word’s meaning is unknown by current
research. Accounts of the Empress speak of her as a powerful and dangerous warrior on the
battlefield. And well over 600 years old or more, as records date back that far since she arrived in
local history. That’s what you’ve discovered about the Kryn Dynasty and Xhorhas. LIAM: I spend a day reading about that. I will
spend every remaining day reading about– I was rushed the first time I came here, so I’m going to
spend every day left reading about the weave of time and any mortals’ attempts to control it. MATT: Make an investigation check. SAM: The weave of time. TRAVIS: That’s some restricted reading bullshit. LIAM: 22. MATT: The things you discover, from what’s
available to you in the archive: time is a constant, the motion moving forward unyielding.
Some powerful arcane influences can accelerate or slow the rate at which time passes locally, even
stop it. There are some stories from the Age of Arcanum that speak of the greatest of sages
experimenting with reversing the forward momentum of time, and supposedly with some success. But the
process apparently was so taxing and the energies required so extensive that it nearly killed those
who passed through this natural flow. That’s as much as you can pick up on the specific research
involving that shift of time. They’re more footnotes and like a, “We don’t mess with that
because those who tried have mostly been “disintegrated or destroyed in the process.” LIAM: Nearly killed. Does it talk about any of the
people who were nearly killed but weren’t? MATT: Yes, but they existed close to 1500 years
ago. LIAM: No record of their names? MATT: The names that were in there are none that
correlate to anything you’d recognize. LIAM: I would still have spent the entire three
days reading about that. MATT: I’ll send you those notes later. You do pick
up, because of your very high roll, there are apparently some newer arcane experiments regarding
time and reality being fielded within the Soltryce Academy in Rexxentrum. A newer magical energy
seems to have been discovered, or rediscovered, that can seemingly adjust such properties with
ease. It’s being referred to as “Dunamis.” LIAM: Dunamis. MATT: But other than that, there’s very little
information because all that seems to be proprietary within the Academy. LIAM:Ja, good, cool. Super cool.Danke. Then
I’m all done with all my shit. TRAVIS: I forgot, I should’ve looked at my list. I
had one or two other little things. MATT: Okay, Fjord, what else would you like to
do? SAM: You didn’t want to just walk for six days and
walk back for six days? TRAVIS: I was like, I feel like I came up– Oh,
there’s more shit. MATT: I was like, are you sure that’s all you want
to do? TRAVIS: Yeah. We can just say on the way back from
those visits, at night when I made camp, I want to summon the falchion and spend more time with it.
Examine it, specifically the eye, if it has that sort of– in the letter, it looked like there was
a gash into the sphere itself. Does it represent that, is it smooth? Does it move? MATT: The eye, where it sits in the hilt– and it
only sits on one side, it’s not both sides that contain the eye, because there aren’t two pupils.
There is a singular eye that is embedded in it, that is looking out what would essentially be
towards the left. TRAVIS: Is it near the crossguard, or is it near
the pommel? MATT: No, it’s near the crossguard, in the center
of the hilt. When you look at it, it doesn’t seem to move or shift or pay any attention. Practicing
the next few days and trying some things out, you focus some of your arcane gifts towards an object,
casting Witch Bolt towards a nearby rock or low, dried, and forgotten trunk of a tree. At the
moment the incantation begins, the eye shifts to look towards the target of the spell. The spell
explodes and you look back at the hilt, and it’s already reverted back to where it was before. TRAVIS: Super fast. MATT: But it did seem to react to when the spell
was cast. TRAVIS: Creepy. What the hell does that mean?
Okay. When I get back, could I make my way to The Gentleman for just a quick convo? MATT: Sure, all right. So you make your way to The
Evening Nip. By the time you’ve returned, it’s been the better part of the two-week period of
time, and you guys are also generally worried the fact that Fjord just vanished during this time
period. LAURA: He left while we were shopping. MATT: Big surprise. TALIESIN: Travis is shouting. TRAVIS: You guys are going to shop, ah! MATT: (poof sound) TRAVIS: What was it? MARISHA and TRAVIS: Spooky exit. MATT: You make your way to the subterranean
basement of The Evening Nip. The Gentleman is not currently present, but upon asking around, and you
wait for about 20 minutes or so, he does return from the storage room to the side where you had
previously been led down and through the Underworks. As he comes in, he sees you and sits
on the other side of the table, throwing his leg over one side and sitting at a very comfortable
and casual way across from you. “Fjord, I’m being “told that you’re looking for me.” TRAVIS: Yes, I appreciate you making some time for
me this evening. Turns out we might be traveling a little bit pretty soon. We’re going to be making
our way towards the Wayfarer’s Cove. Your knowledge of areas outside of Zadash seems so
extensive, what with the errands you sent us on. I was wondering, could you share with me any
knowledge you might have about criminal underbellies, any competitors you might have in
business that’s not of an official nature in cities, particularly around Nicodranas, Port
Damali, the Menagerie Coast. Is your reach that far? MATT: “I have some reaches in places, yes. That’s
quite a scope you’re requesting. I would say it’s “a good bet that most criminal elements you would
encounter there are not at my network, except for “a handful. It might be more useful to you to know
the ones to trust.” TRAVIS: That’s where I was going with that. MATT: “Okay. Port Damali, you say?” TRAVIS: Yeah, it’s where I’m from. MATT: “Really?” TRAVIS: Indeed. MATT: “The jewel of the coast. I’ve been a number
of times, though it’s been years since I’ve been “able to leave my work here alone. So if you’re
looking to expand your portfolio beyond Zadash, “that is commendable. The one contact I could
recommend in Port Damali would be Father Dwondaff Pierce.” TRAVIS: Father Dwondaff Pierce? MATT: “Dwarven fellow. Scraggly in the face.
Dresses well. He helms the Pearl Shrine, a house “of worship to Avandra, the Changebringer. Tell him
that you bring many gifts.” TRAVIS: I bring many gifts. MATT: “Should you not work with Father Pierce and
his network, be careful. You could easily find “yourself on an opposing side to my business, and I
do not take kindly to betrayal.” TRAVIS: Indeed, I wouldn’t dare. After all, you do
have a little way of keeping track of where we are and what we do. MATT: “That I do.” TRAVIS: I appreciate your help in this matter.
Hopefully we can be of some service to you down there. MATT: “If something comes to mind, I’ll send it
your way.” TRAVIS: Please do. MATT: “And if anything comes to mind that would be
of interest to my ears, business or otherwise, “please keep me informed.” TRAVIS: You can be assured that I will. Thank you
for your time, I’ll leave you now. MATT: “Of course.” Then he goes off to get a drink
at the bar. As you turn around, right there at the steps is Cree, the dark-furred tabaxi. She
approaches and goes, “I’m sorry to bother you, I “noticed you descend here. I have heard since your
last arrival that there were losses in your journey.” TRAVIS: (stuttering) Hm? MATT: “I have had a number of uncomfortable dreams
in the week, and… I cannot sense Lucien.” TRAVIS: Tell me about these dreams. MATT: Make a persuasion check. TRAVIS: Oh god. Oh, that’s good. 18. MATT: “They are cold and sad. I just see him
alone, and I’ve tried to focus. He is not nearby. “I have a very hollow feeling about this.” TRAVIS: (whispering) God, why was I gone for six
weeks? Okay. (normal volume) Yes, unfortunately your dreams may have some merit. I myself was
missing for most of our journey, and it seems, unfortunately, that Lucien befell a terrible
fate. MATT: “That was what I was fearing.” TRAVIS: I’m sorry to be the one to let you know.
If I was there I could give you more detail, but I found out much in the same way you are. MATT: “That is all right. Thank you for your
honesty. It is hard for him to be gone for so “long, then come back, and so swiftly go again.
Maybe I had put too much faith.” TRAVIS: You said he left before and then came
back. If you don’t mind my asking, the last time that he left, do you remember the circumstances of
his departure? MATT: “We of the Task Takers, we were undergoing a
ritual that he had orchestrated with an ally of “his, a woman of magical renown. He said that this
was something that was meant to lead us to this “city he promised, a place where we could learn of
a great many powers and secrets. We believed him. “He was very charismatic in his cruelty at times.
But he did not survive.” TRAVIS: And then you saw him here for the first
time in quite a while, yes? MATT: Two years. TRAVIS: Two years? Two years. Are you– and
forgive me if this is too personal– are you expecting to see him again? MATT: I wasn’t expecting to see him this last
time. I feel like whatever grace brought him back to us, maybe it was your carelessness that took
him from us again. TRAVIS: Indeed, maybe it was. You have my
apologies and my condolences. MATT: It is all right. I have started a new life
here, and it has been serving me well. TRAVIS: I hate to leave you with such sour news,
but I must be going. MATT: Such are these days. Thank you for your
candor. She turns around and walks away. TRAVIS: Fuck. Then I’ll head back to The Leaky
Tap. MATT: Okay. You guys have all gathered up at The
Leaky Tap? SAM: Everyone’s done their stuff. TALIESIN: No, I have not done mine. MATT: All right, what do you want to do? TALIESIN: Mine’s very simple. I’m going to spend a
little time every day– I’m going to find the nicest park in town. I’m going to spend every day
and I’m going to meditate and try and get some guidance. I’m trying to have another epiphany
about what happens next. I’m going to sit quietly and meditate every day somewhere green, or
whatever passes for it in this city. MATT: Roll a wisdom check for me. TALIESIN: No. That was a one. MATT: Okay. You’ve spent so much of your life in
the tranquility of the cold and quiet Savalierwood, and even in the most nature-based
portion of the city of Zadash, the general din and chaos of the city is too distracting. You’re
unable to reach that meditative state where you’re able to feel connected with nature and with the
Wildmother, so Melora’s guidance does not come to you. You have to continue to throw your lot in
with these strange folks that dragged you out of your home. TALIESIN: That’s fair. I guess the only– no,
that’s right, we’re done. I think we got everything. SAM: Yeah, everyone’s done their thing. LAURA: No! I am not done. MATT: All right. LAURA: Well, because I want to make the Traveler
like me again, because obviously he doesn’t and that’s why he didn’t come save me. I’m going to
use these two weeks to scout out all of the temples to the other gods and really see the guard
schedules and the priest schedules and try to sneak in. I’ll probably enlist the help of Nott
here. SAM: I’ll help you. LAURA: Because you’re good at sneaking. SAM: Sure. TALIESIN: Well, we do have something we can– LAURA: This is true. TALIESIN: We got you something. LAURA: Before we do this, this will be extra
helpful for you. SAM: What is it? I don’t like this. Is it
something– is it made of dead people? LAURA: Just check it out. TALIESIN: Made of paper. SAM: It’s so nicely wrapped. It’s so tiny. LAURA: Well, imagine it’s a lot bigger than that. SAM: It’s tiny, it’s just a small cube. Oh, look.
It says, “To the bravest rouge we’ve ever met. “From your friendly–” LAURA: It does say rouge, doesn’t it? SAM: No, it says rogue, I’m fucking with you. “From
your friendly neighborhood healers.” You guys can heal? It’s a cloak! Wow! It looks so cool and
fancy! LAURA: Put it on. I bet it changes size when you
put it on, because most magical things do. SAM: I will put it on and spend some time with
it. MATT: Okay. You’re able to attune to it and gain
the benefits of a Cloak of Elvenkind. LAURA: And then we’re going to go and try to sneak
in and really fuck up– MATT: Well, you’ll have to decide which
ones you’re going to do. LAURA: How much time do we have? What? SAM: How much do I owe you for this? LAURA: You owe us nothing! TRAVIS: It’s a gift. LAURA: You have nothing! SAM: Got tons of money. Way more than I’ll ever
spend. MATT: There is the Raven’s Den, which sits near
the Ossuary Gates– LAURA: I already fucked with that one. MATT: All righty. There is the Hearth of the
Allhammer, which you’ve messed with as well a little bit during the festival. There’s the Valley
Archive of the Cobalt Soul. While it is both an archive, it is also a temple to the Knowing
Mistress. There is the King’s Hall, which is the center of law, and of course that’s where the law
master is you’ve spoken with a couple of times. That’s where you’ve done your jobs off the
Taskboard. LAURA: Seems like there’s a lot of guards there. MATT: Yeah, there’s a lot of guards there. There’s
the Platinum House, which is a temple to the Platinum Dragon. That also exists in the
Interstead Sprawl. Not too far from Steam’s Respite, which is the bathhouse. LAURA: Ooh, yeah, let’s do that one because it’s
close to the bathhouse. SAM: Which one is that? Which god? LAURA and MATT: The Platinum Dragon. SAM: All right, that seems right. What are we
going to do to it? MATT: There’s also in the Signet Wall, which
is the military district, there is The Shrine of the Dawn, which is to the Dawnfather. It’s up to
you. LAURA: Well, that’s just fitting, isn’t it? No,
I’m going to do the Platinum Dragon because it’s next to the bathhouse. MATT: Okay, Platinum House it is. SAM: We’re trying to destroy this place? LAURA: No. SAM: Paint it? LAURA: What does it look like? MATT: As you approach, this beautiful but small
white building is draped in deep blue tapestries, while a reflective mirrored sphere sits atop the
roof during the day. I think you’ve passed by and seen it before when you were traversing the city.
Are you going at day or nighttime? LAURA: We’re checking out during the day, you
know, like we’re visitors. MATT: Okay. The inside is open archways and floor
spaces. They’re made available for worship, but also used for meditation. There are a few folks in
there that are quietly, eyes closed, taking in the atmosphere of the interior. There’s areas for
reading and there’s areas for napping and sleeping. Of the Bahamut worshiping that goes on
in places you’ve seen on the Menagerie Coast, this one is a little more New Age-y than you’re used
to. About noonish when you arrive, there is a sermon beginning, where there is the Herald of the
House, which is a silver-scaled dragonborn in his older years. He looks very tired and as withered
as a dragonborn can through their silver scales. He’s in the process of giving this very deeply
empowering speech about, “The majesty of Bahamut “bestows upon us the knowledge and the grace in
which we can be beacons of truth and justice in a “world that wishes to swallow all with chaos.” LAURA: (snoring) (laughter) MATT: But yeah, the midday stakeout appears to go
well. What do you wish to do? LAURA: How often does he come back? MATT: He’s there most of the day, and in the
evening he appears to go nap somewhere within the Platinum House. LAURA: And then he gives his sermon during the
next day and the next day? We scout it out a couple days in a row to really get the feel for
the guards. MATT: Okay, make an investigation check. LAURA: With advantage because Nott’s helping me? MATT: Sure, sure. LAURA: Oh Jesus H. Macy. Nine. Nein! MATT: There’s a couple entrances, some hallways. LAURA: Wow. SAM: What do you want to do? LAURA: I’m going to take some of the firecrackers
we got from Hupperdook, and I want to set them off during his sermon. And then I want to– but I’m
going to Invoke Duplicity, so it looks like I’m actually still there listening to the sermon. Then
while that’s happening– but I’m also Disguise Self, so I also want to look like somebody else
while it’s happening so nobody can trace it back to me. SAM: That sounds complicated. LAURA: This is really good stuff. And then I want
to run over to– is there a big statue of the Platinum Dragon? MATT: There is in the center, yeah. It’s not built
on the floor. It’s actually held aloft in the central domed archway right beneath where that
glowing dome at the top is. At nighttime, as you’ve seen it, it emits this faint, white glow
and is this beacon in the middle of the darkened city, aside from the various bits of torchlight
that hit the streets. Beneath this dome, you see the large, carved– looks like a pure platinum,
but it’s probably a polished silver– statue of the dragon, wings outstretched, looking down over
the chambers and hovers about 15 feet off the ground, where all the rest of the folks gather for
this sermon and/or sit there to meditate and pray and worship. LAURA: This is a really bad time to do this
because there’s lots of people around. Can I do it at night? Is there less people at night? Would
I have learned at least that much? MATT: Yeah, at night, there are less people. LAURA: Okay, I come back a second time after
setting up the fireworks. Now the next time– SAM: We’re here again? LAURA: We have to do it right. This time I’m
coming prepared with my paints and a mustache. TRAVIS: Your Anarchist’s Cookbook. LAURA: My Anarchist’s Cookbook, a couple brochures
for the Traveler, and I steal Cad’s straw hat that he bought– sorry– and, yeah, we’re going to make
the Platinum Dragon look like a really cool farmer. SAM: All right. Okay. So we’re going to mess with
the statue. LAURA: Yeah, that’s what I do. Is it stupid or
something? SAM: What if someone comes in? We kill everyone in
the place? LAURA: No, if somebody comes in, you need to
distract them, okay? Don’t let anybody see me, because this might take a while. SAM: So I’m the distraction and the lookout. LAURA: You’re the distraction. I also Invoke
Duplicity to where it looks like I’m still there on the outside and I can also be hanging out with
you so you don’t look like a random person. MATT: What do you disguise yourself to be? LAURA: The old woman that was in the other, yeah. MATT: You guys approach in the evening, together?
Are you disguising yourself as well? LAURA: Ooh, no. You know what I should disguise
myself as? The sermon guy. Yeah. MATT: Okay. Jester, now taking the elderly form of
a silver-scaled, very well-respected, Herald of the House Kumas. You approach the temple a few
hours after sundown, to where the interest in worship tends to fade as folks go back to home.
It’s mostly just a few caretakers that watch it through the night and some lost souls that have
found their way there in the evening and they need guidance. LAURA: Get them out. SAM: They’re in there? LAURA: Yeah, distract them and make them go away. SAM: All right, I’ll do my best. LAURA: You know what you should say, say that the
sermon guy, whoever I am, tell them I need some quiet time in the temple. SAM: All right. I’ll disguise myself using
Disguise Self as an elderly gnomish woman, and I’ll wander into the temple, I guess. Ahem, pardon
me. All patrons, I have a request from the Holy Father himself that we vacate the premises. They
have to refresh all the holy water– that’s good– every 30 days, and wouldn’t you know it? Today’s
that day! So out of the pool for a few minutes, and then when it’s all refreshed, we’ll come and
you can come right back in. Just a break! Go and take a break. MATT: Make a deception check with disadvantage,
because you didn’t even use his name. That I’ve said twice. MARISHA: Our lord and savior. LAURA: Natural 20, natural 20. SAM: Okay, not bad. Even better. This is what? MATT: Deception. SAM: Oh no. That’s a negative three. TRAVIS: A negative three to your deception? LAURA: Oh, you really should’ve taken that potion
beforehand. SAM: The one that you stole from me? LAURA: Yeah, that one. SAM: That’s a 13. Disadvantage, minus three. I
still got pretty good. MATT: Okay. Of the six individuals that are here,
there are two that actually are of the temple. There are four that are here, meditation. One
looks like a young man, looking like he might be on hard times and has tear marks on his face where
he may have been looking up to the statue and revelling. The four people that were attending see
you and, “Oh,” and they get up and start gathering their things. The two that work at the temple are
confused, look at each other, and look at you, and begin to walk towards you. SAM: Are they carrying weapons of any sort, or
vestments or jewels? MATT: No, they’re wearing tabards that are mostly
a silver-white color with the symbol of Bahamut, the blue with the silver dragon. They’re simply
dressed. They’re the caretakers of the temple, low-level priests of the Platinum Dragon. As they
approach, one of them looks to be a mid-30s human male, male-pattern baldness taking a large portion
of his shorter, blond hair. The other one appears to be a half-elven man as well. He looks younger,
but looks can be deceiving with half-elves. They both approach with a somewhat concerned look and
the half-elf speaks up first and goes, “I’m sorry, “you said that the Holy Father needs the room
cleared?” LAURA: I come up from behind. SAM: Is there anything around us, like donation
jars, or anything around us? I don’t know how churches work, guys. MATT: Make a perception check. SAM: Do they have a ticket-taker? 14. MATT: Looking around, there are bowls throughout
the room. Most of them appear to be empty, a few of them have a few knick-knacks thrown in there.
They may have been things that people left as a gift or an offering. A few copper, one of them
could even have a silver. You don’t see any other boxes. It looks like they’re cleared out fairly
frequently. SAM: If there’s one close to me, I would like to
cast Mage Hand and grab it. MATT: Okay. Triple-checking if Mage Hand has– SAM: I’m sure I will drop my form. MATT: Well, Disguise Self remains cast. However,
Mage Hand, if I recall, may have– SAM: It’s an action to make it appear. MATT: Correct, but it’s verbal and somatic, so as
they’re approaching, you look back and forth and begin casting a spell. As this is happening, they
both go, “Uh–” LAURA: No! I step up from behind Nott. Thank you,
dear. My assistant did as I asked. I really needed some quiet time alone in the temple tonight. MATT: “I wasn’t aware you had an assistant?” LAURA: I just hired her. MATT: Make a deception check. SAM: Oh god. LAURA: 16? MATT: One of them goes, “Oh, of course, my
apologies, Your Grace,” and the human leaves. The half-elf still seems dubious. “Your Grace, you
seem to be rather weary. Perhaps I should stay and “make sure you need help.” LAURA: I need some quiet time. MATT: “IR